need some hope...

[Jerseygirl]

i need some reassurance i guess...but basically ive been doing no contact with my ex (on and off three yr relationship) for 1-2 weeks now i think it is...we ignore/avoid eachother in the hall and i dont even know why really.. (maybe bc it was he found out i was just hanging out with one of his guy friends). anyways, he has this new fling and they are all touchy in public. I play it like i dont care, act happy and all that around him. The only thing he may catch is me turning around to see them together...which i try hard not to do but i cant help myself. But the bottom line is that it seems like my no contact is not affecting him at all and its driving me nuts..he seems so into this new girl...its almost like by me not talking to him, im letting him off the hook so easily as he can be all guilt-free with this girl.. i just want some hope...Do you guys have any similiar situations in which u thought no contact didnt affect your ex at all, but then finally one night received that one,desperate phone call from them..?

[melrich]

Hi Jerseygirl,

No contact is not about getting your ex back. It is about giving yourself space to get over your ex. I know lots of posters in here think its a great way to get your ex to miss you (that may happen occasionally) but really it is so transparent, any ex is going to see through it. The fact that you avoid your ex and make no contact, don't return calls, don't speak to them simply tells your ex that he/she is still affecting you. No contact is about healing yourself, not getting someone back. I know it is really hard but just try to be like your old self, be nice to your ex when you see him, ask general questions, most of all try to give the impression that you are just getting on with your life (even if you are not). Believe me exes will only start to question their decision to dump someone when they feel the person they have dumped has moved on and is no longer interested. All no contact does is re-affirm in their mind that they still have an impact on you. Unfortunately there are no easy answers. Best of luck.