"What's MY deal?"...What's HIS deal?

[DaisyDee]

Hey everyone..this seems like a friendly, supportive place so I thought I'd become a member. I've gotten various opinions already, but more feedback is always welcome. My 'issue' (kinda minor) here is a bit lenghty..anyone kind enough to read it and offer some input is a sweetheart..here goes...

 

My friends and I enjoy seeing this indie band that plays in the city every now and then. The 2nd time we saw them, we hung out with them after the show and I made the mistake of hooking up with the lead singer..we didn't sleep together, just made out. I felt a connection that night that I thought was mutual, based on his behavior and emailed him the following night to let him know I had a great time. He responded a few days later, really late at night, and basically told me he had a great time too and was tired and headed to bed. I (being the nitpicker I am) felt the email was half-assed, so I just let it go, realizing that 'duh!' Musicians get more ass than a toilet seat! Still, I enjoy the band and didn't let that stop me from going back to their shows.

 

So far I have been to 3 of his shows (after 'the hookup')and each time he behaved the same way...a bit sheepish, as if he couldn't think of anything to say to me. The first time (a few months later) was the most awkward. I played it cool when he approached me during intermission, and tried to talk about the music and his new CD. Neither one of us brought anything up about what had happened in the past. He shyly thanked me for coming, and I told him, “of course,” and he said he was gonna get a drink and be back. With that, I joined two of my guy friends for a cigg outside.

 

When I came back inside, he was mingling, doing band stuff..we both kinda avoided each other for the remainder of the night...I figured the awkwardness would end after that night, but it didn't.

 

The last time we went to their show was for their new CD release. Again, I played it cool. I admit I avoided him a bit again this time. He approached me, waved his hand in my face, and put his arm around me. I handed him the CD, he signed it, and I resumed to talkin with my friends and his bandmates. I can never tell if he is trying to initiate conversation. He sorta hovered about a bit, but I paid him no mind. I wasn't a (b-word) but I wasn't overly friendly either.

 

Later, I am outside, hanging with random people, and he emerges with his instruments, going back and forth to their cargo van. He comes up to me again, gives me another hug and says "Thanks for coming." I respond, "Absolutely," and he says, "…even though you don't like me anymore." I try to brush it off, and say that ain't true...but he kinda stands there, looking down at his feet, then looking up and telling me he liked the way my hair looked that night. I thank him, and complimented him right back, which was followed by more feet shuffling, averted eye contact, and sheepish half-grin on his part, as if to tell me my compliment wasn’t sincere. I just give him a giggly, "Dude, what's your deal?" And his response was a soft, "What's YOUR deal?" I dismiss it and resume my convo with someone else. He's hovering about near me again. Meanwhile, there are about half a dozen other chicks (really cute chicks) hanging around, overtly seeking his attention and gushingly saying his name, asking if he would be going to some bar. Eventually he goes to them.

 

The band was then on its way to an aftershow gathering. He comes back and extends the invite to our group. We opted to call it a night instead.

 

Am I doing something wrong? I feel I am giving him the wrong impression somehow, and he might be wondering why I keep showing up at his shows. All I want to make clear is that I am there to hear them play, have fun with my friends, and show my support as a fan..no ulterior motives, no hidden agenda.

I am not there to interfere in his game, nor do I give off that impression…at least, I don’t think so. I keep my distance for chrissake, The other guys are cool as hell. I don't understand why he continues to act so shady. All we ever did was make out and that was about 6 months ago.

 

Whatever his reason may be, I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me..it makes ME uncomfortable too...and I absolutely LOVE this band. My friends and I have a blast when they play. I really don't wanna stop going to their shows. Gah! What to do?

[Johy]

hi,

well from your story it seems that you are giving mixed signals yourself, when he said, you don't like me anymore, it was kinda your chance to take a baby step forward on your view of the past situation, and the present being....(in a cool way) and he might have chicks all over him, but he knows this, as you might me aware the attention is great!! but just be cool with him.. and if you really like his music then keep listening, and enjoy it, without any strings attached, and It seems that none of you have a problem, you are just living the moment, and it should feel nice. A kiss is just a kiss and nothing more, a muscician gets lots of kisses, it all depends who he wants to keep kissing...so be true to your feeling and think if you like his music? or you like him? and go for it.

GOOD LUCK!!

 

Johy

[DaisyDee]

hi,

well from your story it seems that you are giving mixed signals yourself, when he said, you don't like me anymore, it was kinda your chance to take a baby step forward on your view of the past situation, and the present being..

 

Hi Johy...thanks for the quick reply

 

I don't see how I am sending him mixed messages. I don't expect anything from him.

 

Basically, I'm just trying to gain some insight on, and possibly help decipher this boy's behavior towards me. My main objective when I go to the shows is to watch them play, hear great music, have fun with my friends, and show support as a fan. I won't lie and say I am not attracted to him, but so is every other chick there. If the opportunity for us to hook-up again were to arise, I can't say whether I would refuse or not. I certainly don't want to create any further tension between him and I, because I sincerely enjoy the band, thereforeeee I most likely would hold back on that.

I liked the band before the hook-up. Which is why I referred to the whole thing as a mistake, because he continues to act shady. All I want to make clear to him is that I love the band (okay now I'm being a little too redundant!), and respect him as a musician...I don't wanna be looked at as one of his little groupies. How do I get this accross without turning the whole thing into an issue? Clearly, me acting as if nothing ever happened between the two of us isn't effective enough. I never pined over the incident, never even brought it up to him. I don't know what it will take for him to treat me like he treats all his friends and fans at the shows.

thanks again guys and gals!!

[Johy]

I think he already knows you love his music, you have been to a few of his shows, so, no need to become a groupie like you say, just be cool, I'm sure he's gonna thank you for being there next time, maybe don't show up to ALL his appearances, that will just get him used to you always being there, get lost for one or two showings, and then pop up one day, and see if he realizes you were not there..know watta i mean? and maybe you can strike up a conversation about othert than music, I bet you he will remember that encounter.

This situations is very tricky, because like you say he probably gets more A*** than the toilet, so try not to get so involved in this one, and let time tell you where to go,

don't sweat it girl,

take care,

 

Johy.