Heartbroken, still in love and in contact

[dylan_case]

I need help and advice. I was engaged to be married this fall, but things went to hell and we are now broken up. First, the wedding hall got bought out and they said they were not having anymore weddings, then we stopped talking. Later we began to fight a lot and I succumbed to a serious depression. We had been together for six years and as a last went to a couples therapist who told me I needed my ass kicked. I tried a few more sessions, but really doubted the professionalism of the counselor. Also my ex was seeing her as a personal counselor and I felt that the therapist was siding with her concerning everything. I could tell I was losing her and hate being left so I broke off the engagement. I tried to reconcile with her, but she said she couldn't deal with my depression and walked out of the house leaving me alone. I almost lost my job, had to pull myself off the deed, we both owned the house and now I find myself unable to accept that it's over. She was my best friend the woman I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. I made the mistake of sleeping with her one last time, which only made me feel worse and more attached. Then she told me she picked up some guy at a bar and had a one night stand with him. This devastated me and resulted in me obsessing on the thought of her being with another man. I tried the no contact rule, but found myself wanting to call her everyday. The longest I have gone without calling her is a week. She started to im me this week and asked if I would be ok going out to dinner with her. I know it's too early but I miss her dealy and yearn to spend time with her. 3 years ago we broke up for a few months and then got back together recently she told me 2 strikes and your out. She told me that getting back together is not an option, but I wonder why should would want to go out to dinner. I have been exercising a lot and trying to keep busy, but she is still on my mind no matter what I do. Should I give up all hope, I have been reading self help books and going to a therapist but feel that there is a chance we could reconcile and get back together. What should I do?

[vitalcoaching]

As long as you feel dependent on her, she'll perceive you as clingy and desperate. Not a good sign for her.

 

You won't get anywhere no matter what unless you get your power back. The core of your life is not this relationship. It is your own being. What you find inside yourself is your first emotional base you can rely on.

 

You can go and have dinner with her but don't expect anything except a good time together. If you go ahead, focus 100% on fun and quality time. No heavy conversation, no demand or pressure to get back together.

 

Give it space! I feel the number one priority for you is to recover your full power, the rest will naturally follow.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

 

PS: feel free to contact me directly if you need extra tips and support with that email removed

[dylan_case]

thanks for the advice. When I read that she is not that core of my life it really hit home and made me realize how I was seeing her as the center of my life. I feel some relief by realizing that is not the case.

[peachents]

dylan case

 

Heal yourself and get help for your depression. My rship broke down through my depression and this in turn led to more depression, it can be a vivious circle.

 

Try to forget about her with someone else. I know its hard, my ex jumped straight into bed with sum1 else and described the gory details to me, how they do it all night and how she loves him more than any1 in the past etc etc. Take it on the chin, if they tell you, they do it for a reason and it may not be the truth.

 

Keep busy and maybe try to have a few one night stands yourself to dull your attachment to her.

[dylan_case]

thanks peachents I did sleep with 2 other women since we broke up, one a few times, as an attempt to desensitize me and help me move on. In the past this worked great, but this time I only find myself thinking about her the next day and feel the sex is hollow without the emotional bond. As to the truth part a good friend of mine mentioned the same thing to me

[Stingseed]

Let me get this straight Dylan she describe to you the details of her and some guys encounter? That is totally uncalled for If this is the case. I know this might not be what you want to hear but you need to get away from her. Don't tell her any details as to why you are doing it rather just tell her you need time alone and that she need to respect this. If she is someone who loves you she would have not descibe to you the details of anything. She will come to a conclusion that you are a good person to her and thereforeeee come looking for you. Also I would not be waiting for her to come around rather work on yourself make yourself happy and look for things to do that you have not done in a while. Don't worry about her she will realize her mistakes . One more things when she starts to come around to pick up the first few calls and definatly don't take the call if you feel you cant handle them.

 

 

Hope this helps....