I need help PLZ!!

[Hybrid_Worm]

Hello, srry to bother ya all.... again.

Well my problem is this... I have this friend a girl, whom im nuts about, we have a pretty good relationship, i know she has feelings for me and i do for her.

 

What i wanna do is help her, thats why im here, she wont get into a serious relationship until she straightens up all her problems.

 

What she has is lack of confidence in herself, she used to care a lot about what people say bout her, she needed theyr approval for everything.

 

For example we both are very fund to music, when she makes a song she has to hear from someone that it is good, so that she believes its good, if somebody tells her that it sucks well, i think you all know what happens.

 

She doesnt care about herself, imagine a mountain of people, she sees herself in the bottom while everyone else is on top. for more that i try to help her talking we get nowhere and she stays as confused as she was when we begin talking. she talks to me about everything.

 

I HAVE to help her. shes my friend and i love her, so i have to help her no matter what. So thats why im here asking for all the advice i can get in this situation.

 

I have to make an event or something special that helps her recover that self estime, that faith in herself. I just dont know how so im asking people with experience here to help me out. HELP PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

Your desire to help is a very positive one. You obviously care a lot about her.

 

You must realise something before you go that way: you are her friend, not her therapist.

 

There are people out there trained to do exactly what you want to do. Why? because it takes time, energy, skills, knowledge and dedication to help someone with self esteem issues.

 

I don't mean you can't help her. Simply be aware of the dynamics before you start. She sees you as a friend, not a therapist.

 

Next thing: ask her. This is essential. Ask her if she wants your help. Ask her as well how you can help.

 

She might actually be okay with her present mind set and the idea of changing patterns might be too challenging for her right now.

 

If she asks you for help, here are some links on confidence building, self esteem, etc. Check it out

 

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Realise that the energy you invest in her is an energy you could use to improve yourself first. If this is what you want, then go for it.

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

Vitalcoach

[Hybrid_Worm]

Thanx for the quick answer.

 

I know its a lot of work. A lot of my time and energy willl go into this.

 

I know im not her therapist in fact she has one, but she asked for my help and that is what im gonna do. How can i help her? talking things out. I was thinking of doing something that will boost her self confidence.

I have some knowledge about this type of probs. from experience and books ive read.

 

I know i could use my energy in helping myself out, its not that i dont care about me but she is in a worst situation that i am, ive been up n down emotionally for years and right now im in a long "up"

 

I just want her to feel better.

 

Thxs for the Url s u gave me, ill read them in the morning, 3 am here, and i really wanna put attention to it so i better to read them well rested.

 

Ill let ya know how things work out and again, Thanks.

[vitalcoaching]

excellent idea.

 

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