Is is too late for Second Chance

[tcadams]

Hi all,

 

Is is possible to reconcile with your ex after years of being apart? Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. It has been three years since my ex and I have been separated and yet I still want him back in my life. The first year after the break up I was almost numb and enjoying a new found single life. But after that I have felt like something is missing in my life. I don't know I have also heard that it is perfectly normal to still have feelings for your first love. But for me I feel like I have lost my soul mate. I have dated other people after our break up, but it just isn't the same, I always feels as though something is missing, and then remember the past memories. Thank you for listening.

[BreArna]

Its worth a try

[kungfumaster]

Wow tcadams,

 

That is so nice. I know this is not exactly your situation, but I remember one post that said 70% of couples who reunite after 5 years or more after a break up stay together after that (some psychologist did an actual study in California if I remember correctly) - isn't that high - and I bet after three years, the percentage doesn't drop that much.

 

I think after 3 years, you have probably grown alot, and he's probably grown alot too, and hence, the issues/baggage you guys had then might be gone, so that your chances of a successful relationship are just plain higher then when you guys were together 3 years ago.

 

thereforeeee, I say - GO FOR IT - or along the lines of BreArna - WHY NOT?

 

Good luck.

Kung fu

[DiglyD]

tcadams,

 

Sometimes it is normal to have feelings for your first love even after many years. Sometimes people get lucky and they find the right person on the first try. Sometimes they do not realize what they had and they let it go...

 

You stand a greater chance of reconciling now then if you tried it 3 years ago.

 

Remember the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder".

 

This applies in this case.

 

Most cupples who at one point broke up and who got back together and actually stayed together, got married and had those 40+ years together did so only after they had been apart for quite some time, and both had new experiences and new relationships. Distance and time have a funny way of changing people and dulling any type of pain. It makes forgiving and forgetting much easier. Life has a funny way of teaching some good lessons that need to be learned.

 

Only when someone has learned to love themselves, to live by themselves and not need the person who they were with, to have their own life, and take care of their own things, then and only then can they truly find love again with that person from their past. Only when someone has to deal with their own problems, and adversity will they ever value what they might have squandered int he past. Sometimes to find love you have to loose it, find yourself, grow, sacrifice, and become independent. Sometimes you have to loose everything to gain everything. Only then can you be ready for each other again. Both parties usually have to have new relationships in order to learn to value what they did not value in each other when they were originally toghether. You are in that boat right now. You figured out that what you liked about your ex cannot be easily replaced. If you got back together you would value him more then you did in the past.

 

Its just like earning money. If someone gives you $100 you will most likely spend it without a second thought. However if you were to work in a soup kitchen 12 hours per day for 2 weeks to get $100 you would not spend it so easily. You would also learn the value of work, money, and time.

 

Relationships are very similar. Many people find a good relationsip and they take it for granted. They take advantage of their partner...they think they are better and can do better and they might even use their partners or not repsect them because they think that their partner does not live up to some ideal...and so they leave for the grass that seems so much greener on the other side. Life however is there waiting for them on that new lawn and it starts to teach them how good they had it and how harsh life can be. Over time, just like in the soup kitchen they learn the value of what they did not value before when it was given to them. Now through their own hardships they learn about love, about kindness, and they discover what is really important in a realtionship and in life. Just like a person would learn the value of time and money working long hours in some kitchen so does a person learn to respect what someone did for them before when they paind no attention to it. If by chance they meet each other again the chances of them working out is much greater because now they value each other as people more then ever before.

 

I see this all the time....A girl will be in a great relationship with a great guy who takes care of her and loves her very much. He takes her out, treats her like a princess, buys her gifts, protects her, and thinks of her always. SHe takes him for granted. She has the guy under a microscope always judging him and asking herself whether he measures up to her ideal. She thinks she is hot and thinks she deserves the best. She thinks the world is in the palm of her hand. She gives little in return and imagines that all guys should fall over her at her feet. At some point the relationsip will be tested or the guy will make some mistake (like loose his job, or get sick or depressed or go through an early mid life crisis, or something will happen) and the girl will panic and bail, making an excuse that he wasn't good enough. Many years later she regrets her decision after she goes around the block a few times, and gets used and abused. But by then the guy she called a looser is very successful (since men usually gain success with age) and he dosen't care about her anymore. Now she is 30+ no longer the hotest thing on the block, her clock is ticking, and she wants a hubby. Her ex is dating a 24 year old hot receptionist. Now she is desperate, so she is posting personal ads on yahoo looking for someone to take care of her baby that she is rasing by herself...but no one wants her baggage...and now good man seem hard to find. So she marries the first nice guy she meets..The irony of life.....

 

ok...back on track...

 

Now is the right time to try to get him back. He has grown as a person and you have grown as a person also. Despite the relationships you have been in you still have feelings for your ex. That might mean that there is something that you now value that you did not before and that you finally realize that what you had was in some ways unique and special.

 

Getting back together with anyone soon after a breakup or less then a year's time is folly. A relationship like that is based on quicksand, and soon both parties end up splitting up and hating each other much more then before. A solid foundation can only be built after much suffering, much growth, and much reflection both on the past, yourself, and your partner. Sometimes alot of time has to pass before 2 people are truly ready for each other. You stand a much greater chance of succeeding now then if you tried getting back together a few years ago.

 

Then again this will depend on where he is now. He too like you has to realize that what both of you had was good. If he got used and he did his best then he might not think of you so well. Whether it will work out or not is dependent on some of such variables. Who ended the relationship? was it you or him? What is he doing now? Is he single? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he married? What happened? Do you keep in touch? Do you still think he has some feelings for you? SOme of these things might create difficulties....but in the end they should not matter.

 

If there is a spark, if when you see each other both your eyes sparkle and shine, and you both smile then there is a chance. If you talk and look back and laugh then you stand a good chance of getting back together.

 

Regardless, contact him and talk to him. Let fate guide you. Even if you were the one who hurt him, or if he hurt you it dosen't matter. Love can conquer such things. Let him know that you have grown as a person. Find out what type of person he has become now. Tell him how you feel. You got nothing to loose. Find out whether there really is something or whether you are in love with a memory. Whatever you do remember that you will not gain anything by sitting around. Find out so that you don't ever have to reflect and have regrets.

 

diglyd

[Hopingpraying]

Hi all,

 

Is is possible to reconcile with your ex after years of being apart? Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. It has been three years since my ex and I have been separated and yet I still want him back in my life. The first year after the break up I was almost numb and enjoying a new found single life. But after that I have felt like something is missing in my life. I don't know I have also heard that it is perfectly normal to still have feelings for your first love. But for me I feel like I have lost my soul mate. I have dated other people after our break up, but it just isn't the same, I always feels as though something is missing, and then remember the past memories. Thank you for listening.

 

It is never too late as long as you can deal with all possible outcomes. Hey may want you back in his life, he may not. You just have to know that even if it turns out that he doesn't life goes on. He is not the only person in the world for you.