Probably the love of my life :(

[LifeGoesOn09]

She'll probably be the love of my life but I just couldn't deal with the struggle for my emotions anymore. I'd literally gone from having strong emotions for her around New Years to nothing the last week and in the end (today) I cracked.

 

I told her I don't know what I'd feel if she came over as we were planning on going swimming so she decided not to come. Power to her because to be honest why would she want to come over if I wasn't 100% wanting to see her. I've been trying my best to maintain my feelings but this stuff is just not consistent and I feel its time for me to let go.

 

I'm utterly gutted but to go from have strong emotions for my girl to feeling nothing is just too much for me to handle.

 

I feel bad for her seriously and she's always going to be the love of my life but I can't just deal with the struggle anymore.

 

If she wants to call me I'll be there for her although I know its not going to be good for either me or her in the long term if we want to heal.

 

I know with time I'll yearn for her but if I can't be with her now then there's nothing I can do because I can't force my emotions and no one appears to have an answer to my dillemma.

 

Is there anything I could say to her possibly but my emotions are fleeting and I need consistency.

 

I feel like I'm giving up but the truth is I've struggled with this for over 2 months and the last week has been tough because I've literally felt nothing or very little for her.

 

Totally gutted and hacked off!!

 

Anyways here's to the future and I really really hope I can feel the same way for another girl like I felt for this one.