I´m not gay, but a question about gay (male) friends...

[SandyD]

I´m a new member here, and I haven´t really read anything related to my problem, so here goes... I´m a hetero female who has not been in a relationship for about a year. I have a couple of very dear gay friends (guys) whom I have met in this last year. I loved having them as friends but now I am starting to really hate them. Here´s the thing... I´ve taken some time off relationships and now I´m ready to start seeing people again. I´ll meet a really cute guy who likes me, but my gay friends will call me the next day and tell me how cute they think he is, how he seems "gay" (even though that´s wishful thinking on their part), how they would love to get with them, and once or twice have actually proposed sex to them and been rejected. The last time I met a guy I was interested in, one of my friends talked him out of being with me (he was drunk), and his reasoning was that I didn´t seem all that interested anyway. I´m an ok looking girl, smart, somewhat shy and definetely not looking for anything serious. I´m just having a hard time understanding why these guys are "competing" with me and blowing my chances. I haven´t done anything to them... are all gay men like this? I´m just getting really fed up with all the gay comments... every guy seems gay to them... it´s unreal!!! And I guess I´m secretly starting to think that, yes, all guys are gay!! Please tell me it ain´t so!

[Sli]

It definitely ain't so Sandy!

 

I'd try and widen your circle of friends a bit unless you want to carry on living out episodes from 'Will and Grace'! Real friends are considerate of your feelings; gay or straight... sounds like these guys need a b**ch slap or 2!

 

Take care

Sli

[The Morrigan]

Since they're gay - ask yourself this - is this behaviour you'd consider acceptable from a hetero female friend of yours?

 

Comments that your date is cute is one thing - but actually trying to get a date with your date definitely rates a "not bloody cool" from me - if one of my girl friends did that I know I would be pretty angry. And someone's sexual orientation doesn't give them license to treat YOU differently with respect to the respect and consideration you should expect from them as friends.

 

Have a talk with them - and if they just don't "get it" you might have to keep them apart from your dating life and develop other friends in a wider circle who are on the same page as you to include with your dates - you don't have to alienate them completely if you still want to stay friendly, but no sense putting yourself in a situation with them where you know their reactions and actions will upset you either.

[pepsimax]

My gay friend once tried to come on to my ex boyfriend (when we were together). I viewed the friend very differently after that. Would you let a female friend come onto your boyfriend? Of course you wouldn't. Apply the same principle. No need to stop being friends with them, just keep your dating to yourself.