what should i do please help me

[Ryan]

ok here we go.

 

I really like my girlfriend but i am very flustered at this particular moment in our relationship. See, my girlfriend has an undignified past, while I have what you would call a very innocent past. I know pretty much everything she has done before, and I can't stop thinking about it. Im having trouble getting close to her without thinking of all those things she has done. I have tried talking with her about it but all it does is make things worse, because she will ask me why I hold it against her and many other vague suggestions. Please give me your advice because I really love her, and at the begging of our relationship i gave her my heart while she was very distant. Being one of my first relationships I wasnt reletless enough to break it off. After a while she started being more affectionate. I have given her everything that i have to offer but sometimes I will hurt from how she was at the begging of the relationship. I would just appreciate some advice on how I should handle this situation.

 

thanks a lot, Ryan

 

thanks, Ryan

[melrich]

I am not sure what you mean by undignified past. If you mean she has a criminal record and has shown the potential in the past to hurt or maim others then I think you have every right to be concerned and you really need to discuss and talk through your issues with her before you will be able to take the next steps. If you mean her background is simply different to yours and maybe it does not live up to your own morals and values then I don't think you are ready for a relationship with her or probably anyone at this stage. In that case you need to sort out your own issues and make a judgement about whether you have the ability to change or not.

[Mar]

You have to either accept her past or not. Who she was then is (I'm presuming) NOT who she is now. Are you holding it against her? If you feel ashamed of being with her, then have the decency to break up with her and let her know that you're not comfortable with her due to the difference in upbringing or whatever the issue is.

 

But keep this in mind: to love someone is to forgive them their past mistakes. It's also a learning process, and a lot of compromise. You're not perfect either. No one is. If you truly love this girl, you'll let go of your feelings on her past and accept what she gives you now, that being love, friendship, companionship, trust. Yes, she may be distant.....it could be because she's trying to do things right this time and is a little more cautious because you mean quite a lot to her. Give her a chance, if she's doing the right things. Yes, it may be slow. But if she's giving you what she can, she can use all the support and love from you she can get!

 

Mar