I don't get it!!!

[ansleynicole]

if your ex tells you at some point after you have broken up that you guys can be friends and you say no that you don't feel that way but then later send him a letter saying you changed your mind and want to be friends, and he seems to shut you out and act funny, what is up with him?

does this mean that maybe he still has feelings for you and doesnt want to be friends? i mean he is the one who mentioned it in the first place.....

[melrich]

People move on. The lets be friends line is a standard, it is often meant to soften the blow. In truth after a break up it is almost always necessary to have a break from each other. You may be friends in the future but maybe your ex is not ready yet, maybe they never will be, we do not stay in touch with everyone we have been friends with for life, friends, like lovers, come and go as we grow and mature, only a core handful will be with you forever.

[shockeddismayed]

ansleynicole,

 

That's a tough one. There could be a number of things up. One of them is that your refusal to be friends might have hurt him... but it is only one of many possibilities.

 

Did he offer friendship repeatedly? Was the breakup on bad terms? Did you tell him off when you said no to the friendship? Was he just asking as a way to be friendly and keep things open? Does he maybe suspect that you only want to be friends to get back together with him? etc. etc.

 

Without details it is tough to even guess.

 

However if you've made your feelings clear, I'm not sure there is much you can do, except be friendly when you do see him, and hope that he comes around.

 

Good luck.

[ansleynicole]

yeah but this dude doesnt really socialize with anyone...we go to church together and were i think friends while dating....i just want to know why he would say something like that a long time after we had broken up and then act strange..of course he acted strange the whole time we have been broken up and i cant tell anything he is thinking or feeling and he sure wont say and i dont understand that either....

[ansleynicole]

i dont really know myself what happened or why we broke up besides issues from his past and the fact he had a bad divorce and we had a misunderstanding and i think he thought our relationship was starting out like his marriage breakdown, and in my opinion it wasnt...

i think maybe he did suspect that i wanted to be friends just so i could be back with him again or at least as a tactic to get back together...this dude knows i love him with all my heart and at one time loved me and wanted to marry me only to run scared after one little misunderstanding that i have apoligized for. i just dont understand why a guy just cant come out and say leave me alone and dont talk to me.....i mean i have been in the past giving him letters that tell him how i feel and what i think went wrong and trying to reassure him that our relationship was not like his marriage and would not be a repeat of past bad things...i have only given him one letter in the last two months because i tried the no contact thing....now my question now is why would he accept the letters from me?

i would think that if he didnt still have feelings he wouldnt accept the letters....i dont think he would take them just to be nice either....the last one i gave him after two months of not writing he seemed really happy to get and i asked if he read it and he said yes....so obviously he does care somewhat....so why would he take the letters if he didnt want to be with me or still thought that maybe one day he would come back (that is if i am available)????

[melrich]

Maybe you have answered your own question. If he has been through a painful divorce he may be very scared of getting into another major commitment. You seem to be determined to get into a major commitment with him. If I was feeling like he is and I started getting all these letters telling me how much you were in love with me and all the reasons why our relationship will not go wrong I think I'd bcak off too. Maybe you two just have different views on where your relationship should be at at the moment.