Starting to live-need advice!

[BusyGirl]

Thank you.

[Shy_Guy]

What an immense responsibility that was placed on your shoulders at such an early age. I can almost hear the weariness in your words even though you are now no longer carrying these burdens. It's hard to 'stop and smell the roses' after having been so used to being the one carrying the load.

 

It seems to me that you're asking several different questions, but the one that you HAVEN'T asked is the one I'll answer first. Yes, it's okay to give yourself permission to enjoy the other side of life, the one that doesn't involve requirements, responsibilities, and always putting someone elses needs ahead of your own.

 

As far as the questions you have asked, if I'm understanding you correctly, you're looking for a trusting platonic friendship with a guy so as to be able to ask questions that you don't have the answers to, due to fear of embarrassment. For starters, you've found a great resource here at Enotalone. For someone in the REAL world, are there any male friend co-workers with whom you've formed a bond with? I know from my own experience that these trusting friendships can be found. All men aren't necessarily just after one thing!!

 

One other thing, not all of us (men and women alike) are as experienced as we appear to be. It's as much (or more) a case of simply getting up the nerve to get what you want out of life. Take it a step or two at a time, and just try to live in the moment, rather than worrying about what you might be doing wrong. That's how we ALL learn. It's just that you're learning later than some. Enjoy the journey!

[BusyGirl]

Hi Shy_Guy,

 

Thank you for replying. You are right in that I did have that question in my mind eventhough I didn't ask it. Sometimes it seems awkward to not have to worry about the things that have occupied so much of my time for so long!

 

I agree with you, and I do want to take things step by step. It's not so much my embarrassment at having to ask the questions, it's more my concern about giving someone the "wrong" message. I have a close male friend. I've been cautious about asking him things because I got the feeling that he thought I wanted these things with him. Sure enough, one night (about 2 weeks ago) we were talking about some things and he tried to kiss me and put his hand on my breasts. I gently told him that I didn't feel like I could get involved with him like that right now. He was very mad at me and told me I was just teasing him by asking him all those things and making him aroused.

 

We argued about it because I had told him that I was curious about things and we had already discussed my intentions when talking about sexual things. He was upset and told me that he thought that maybe I would want to try these things with him. Then he said something that hurt me very much-- he said that he didn't have to wait around for me to grow up and want a man to f.... and that he could get it somewhere else whenever he wanted. I was very angry and told him to leave, and if that's what he thought, he was no friend of mine. After he left, I cried it seems like all night and I was very disappointed in myself for thinking he was a friend I could trust, I thought he understood but apparently not. And that night I really hated him, because for the first time since I was 14, he made me feel ashamed of my inexperience.

 

He left me various messages apologizing to me, telling me he was being an impatient idiot and that of course he understood, and he wanted to be someone I could come to for help/questions, etc. I don't know, I'm still mad at him (and mad at myself to some extent I guess). Do you think there is any way that I can talk about sex, etc. with an experienced person without them thinking that it'll lead to something else? Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way?

 

Thank you,

BusyGirl

[AB38]

Busy Girl:

 

That may be hard to find! But if you don't find that person, the only thing to do is, just do it. Develop a friendshipm, fall in love, and see what happens.

 

I know that's a simple explanation, but sometimes its the easiest way. When you are in love with someone, nothing else matters. Trust me, your partner will understand.

[BusyGirl]

Hi AB38,

 

Thank you for your encouragement! I think you're right. I've decided to just take things as they come and not worry too much about it. We'll see what comes of that.

 

BusyGirl