doomed to short relationships?

[ConfusedBloke]

I've been thinking about something that's been praying on my mind since my G/F broke up with me (to see another guy) after our three year relationship. Well one thing she had said was that she didnt look at me anymore and want to just rip my clothes off like she used to, more as a friend, so she felt she had to move on to someone else who did do that for her. (that hurt - especially as its a friend and colleague of us both).

 

Well I now remember early in the relationship when we had talked about her previous relationships, she had said that she always ended it when she didnt feel she wanted to sleep with them anymore, which got me a little concerned at the time.

 

Basically it seems that for her that aspect is the driving force and once its gone it's time to move on. I come more from the viewpoint that the raw passion will always lessen, and sure if that's what floats your boat, then you can always keep getting into the new realtionship thing with someone so you continually get that animal lust phase all the time, but surely isnt love something different?

 

I'm feeling like I never had a chance as she would have always been like this and will always move on, i mean we're talking about an intelligent 28 year old woman here, I would have thought that maybe she might have changed.

 

I guess what I'm asking to all out there is, do you feel that perhaps some people are just addicted to the lust/infatuation/passionate honeymoon period, and will always chase that, no matter what they have?, and do you think they can ever change?

[maninaredstealth]

i feel that some people are attatched to that. that is alot of the time why people cheat or move on is because they lost that spark or drive. although on the other hand in a relationship that spark does die over time but that does not mean the couple still doesnt feel strongly. it takes comunication, and even new ideas but i believe that that feeling can be brought back if both really think its worth it. hope i helped. if possible can you read my post and tell me your view. the post is

 

"ex and i broke and and 1 week later she hooked up with someone"

 

i need advice.

[odysseus77]

on the contrary...i don't believe she is "addicted" to lust, wildness, etc....i think she suffers from a chronic case of what i like to call fairytale syndrome...though a person can be very intelligent in every other aspect of life, a person (many are) can be completely ignorant to the natural evolving of a loving realtionship...the first stage which lasts anywhere from 1 month to 2 years is the romance love...this is a wild, lovey-dovey, lustful part of the realtionship...however, inevidably, this MUST end...and this is what many people get hung up on...when this ends, there comes a more secure, understanding, give-take, dependant attachment called conjugal love....MANY people think that in order for someone to be "the one" the romantic stage needs to last forever...and these people will search forever...your ex, as well as mine, are just ignorant to how love REALLY works...my advice is to find a more mature girl who knows these things...good luck

[ConfusedBloke]

If only there were a way of (for want of a better word) educating people to this fact, but the sad fact is people have to learn for themselves, and as my ex is attractive, intelligent, etc its always easy for her to find somewhere else to go once the feeling has lessened, rather than allowing herself just to love

[littlefeet]

hi confusedbloke,

i agree with what you said,

 

as my ex is attractive, intelligent, etc its always easy for her to find somewhere else to go once the feeling has lessened, rather than allowing herself just to love

 

trust me, this can be true for guys too, and it doesn't even apply only to sex/attraction. one or two bumps down the road and somehow it's just not easy enough for them. it's really too bad that our society emphasizes sexuality, dating, meeting "someone new" over working at keeping what you've got. i like modern life as much as anybody, but the fact is, when something breaks these days, people are encouraged to replace it with something newer and better, rather than fixing it.

 

maybe your ex (and mine, and a lot of others, I imagine!) will someday find that they're no longer young, beautiful, or clever enough to keep playing the game. i hope that by then i'm happily settled with someone who stopped playing a while ago.

[sachat]

hi,

 

I am going through something similar, my ex is convinced that he should be madly in love with me, wanting to call me ten time a day, seeing each other all the time, and stuff. Since he doesnt feel like this, he believe there is something wrong with our relationship. I mean, each person in a relationship has a different pace, you cant be passionately in love all the time. I feel that he has a unrealistic conception of how a relationshp sould be.