How can you tell if you love someone?

[Eh Im Canadian]

I was just wondering, how do you define the line between infatuation and love? Is it even possible? I mean, if you like someone, then that usually is just sort of a physical attraction, but how can you tell if you actually love someone? Do you have to put complete trust in someone to love them? I was reading some of the older posts, and someone who I can't remember right now put up this list:

Commonality

Honesty

Respect

Admiration

Understanding

Forgiveness

Attraction

Support

Generosity

Selflessness

 

They said, that these were all the things that would happen before you started to love someone. I was looking it over, and I thought that they could be right. Unfortunately, there can probably never be a mutual feeling of these 10 things, and there are probably even more words that you can use to describe love. Thank you

[Suavemantotherescue]

You really can't tell if you love someone if you just know them and you like them. To love someone takes time, a long time with that person to know for sure. Once your in love with someone, yuo'll know. All that stuff you put that that other guy wrote are part of love, but basically its a mutual feeling between both people and should be a uncondistional understanding and acceptence of that person's strenghts and weaknesses and the want to be with that person forever and be with them no matter what. You can say that'll you'll do those things but talk is cheep, sorry. ACtion speak louder than words and there really is no way to tell if you truly love someone or vice verca. Basically, love grows; its not just there. I believe some people are ment to be because they either have good chemistry and really get along from the start or just because of destiny, since theres someone I feel that bond with but I'm not saying I love them right now, I'm just giving an example what you could be feeling. If you want to be in love with this person, try getting together with them and show them that you care. If they love you for who you are and you feel the same about them, then theres a good chance its love.

[Eh Im Canadian]

I'm not saying I am in love with anyone, I was just wondering what it means to love someone. I see all these divorces everyday, and I think the root of the whole problem is that nobody marries for love anymore. So then I thought, did anyone ever marry for love ever? When I couldn't answer that question, I decided that I would figure out what love was, and what it is traditionally accepted as today.

[QTpie87]

it's sort of hard to explain. when you are there wont be any question about it though. you'll just know. sorry i can't say more.

love Qtpie87

[mahlina]

That's funny! That list looks familiar. That's my list! I wrote about this a while ago, in a post called: "The Fine Line Between Love and Lust" (I think that's what the title was...)

 

I was just wondering, how do you define the line between infatuation and love? Is it even possible?

Yes, it is possible. Most often, infatuation can turn into love. But for me, it develops over time.

 

I mean, if you like someone, then that usually is just sort of a physical attraction, but how can you tell if you actually love someone? Do you have to put complete trust in someone to love them?

I think that you have to at least, somewhat have some kind of physical attraction to them. And when I mean physical, I can't point out the parameters for physical aspects, because for everyone, that 'physical attractiveness' is different. You can numerous people if he/she thinks that a 'person's attractive or not', and can get different responses. People have their own definitions of attractiveness; thereforeeee, their preference in loving that person could be different. Actually, my recent ex, to my friends, they thought he was cute, but not their type. I didn't find him as attractive in the beginning, but as I got to know him, I began to love him more, I found him 'extra' attractive.

 

So, to get to the point, that so called 'lust,' can grow into love. And the part about trust, for me at least, I don't just full on give people 'trust' from the beginning of any of my relationships (including 'friendships). I think that for the most part, 'trust' is earned! I can trust people, but only to a certain degree. I think that it's more of a trial and error. You put yourself out there to love someone, by doing so, you're giving them some sense of trust. From then on, it takes 'two' people to build on that trust.

 

thereforeeee, progressively, through 'tough times,' a couple learns to love each other, if they pull through equally. That's when they know that it's true love. It's when they're willing to work things out through thick and thin.

 

When I love someone, I begin to love everything about them as an individual, not of someone of 'desire' (lust). It's when I put myself in their shoes, invision what they've gone through in their lives, and then empathize. That's when I know that I've moved on beyond infatuation, when I look at the fine details of his life, and love him for everything that he's gone through. Hardships, times in which he should've had a bettter life, but didn't. When I can love a person through his 'hard times,' I think that's when I've reached the level of:

1. Truly admiring him as a person.

2. Separated him as an individual.

3. Recognized him as a 'potential' soul-mate for life.

4. Respect him for what he's gone through.

 

When I realize the things above, I realized that this is the point of no return. Meaning, I loved him enough to know that I will want to continue on supporting him, all throughout his life, in whatever he chooses to do, to improve himself. That's called 'loyalty.'

 

Although, this might sound one sided, I think that 'true love' includes both couples reaching to this point. That's called "Mature Love," not just the catty arguments! When two people can support each other unconditionally, that's when they know that they're right for each other, and thereforeeee, have made it through 'infatuation.' That's when they can embark on the journey of life, 'together,' as one union, not just two.

 

If a couple can survive through all of the pathetic arguments, and can look at each other in the eye, and cry for each other out of 'admiration,' that's when they know that it's 'true love.'

 

Hope this Helps!

Mahlina

 

P.S.- Nice topic! And one more thing...It's also about loving a person, even in their toughest times of their lives. Not only is it making it through what I mentioned above, but continuously, showing them that support.

[tears_fall_invisibly]

i dont know if you can ever truly tell its and own opinion, its like the way i attempt in describing love would be so different to anothers views, so is there a deffinition off love? or maybe the deffintion is that that it is indefinable other than this, that the world was blessed with so many views that we experiance it in our own ways, that for some reason our heart maybe tells us or even our mind, maybe one day we turn around and see the beauty in a relationship, you know?

 

well i dont know the answer to your question but thats my attempt for you.

 

tears_fall_invisibly

[mahlina]

Eh? Im Canadian,

I think the root of the whole problem is that nobody marries for love anymore.

Sorry, I had to re-edit my response 2 times. Didn't catch the grammatical errors, like I should've the first time!

 

Anyway, I read over your quote again, and it really struck me there! It's true! There are sooo many people who marry for the wrong reasons nowadays, that it makes me sick! Especially in my area, there are lots of people who marry just for money! Isn't it sad? Sometimes, some people marry just out of old age! Because they need to 'settle.' I think that's sad too! thereforeeee, I think that it's important to get to know the 'real' person, before you marry them! People need to marry those who will help them find that passion in life! That spark that gets their day going! Not just out of efficiency!

 

Some people marry because they think:

1. I'm old, I need to settle.

2. We're in the same profession, thereforeeee, we will relate more.

3. Since we're done with school, it's natural that we have to get married around 30. (At least that's the mindset of some of the men in my culture)...

4. I need a 'trophy wife' to show off at dinner conventions!

 

Far too often, people marry others, for the most rediculous reasons, I think! To me, people should marry out of 'love,' out of true 'compassion'! That's what life's all about anyway! Doing what you love, and doing it with full compassion! Oh, and another thing, some people marry out of 'pleasing their own parents." I think that's pathetic too! Marry someone who will bring in that flame in your life, not to carry on that superficial 'image.' Lifes about living it with full passion. It's not about lying to yourselves! It's not about pleasing others! It's about pleasing your soul! Finding that nitch to bring fulfillment in this world.

 

And when having kids, people should marry and think, I want little mini-me's to resemble my partner. I want them to carry on the values that my partner intstills! People should marry because they love, respect, and admire their partners! Marriage is an important thing! Not only, is essential to our own pro-creatiion, but also our 'spiritual' well-being.

 

And people wonder why life's so jaded! It's because, we're living in a matrialistic lifestyle, in which people could care less about others, other than themselves! That's why to me, loving someone, is being selfless. And at the same time, you're making sure that you're own needs are being met! Finding that person, is like finding a partner who will fulfill that symbiotic partnership! Not only are you there through thick and thin, but you're there for each other, because you both view it as a 'life goal,' a 'life journy' to fulfill that 'promise' in learning about the hardships in life. Love is devotion! It's just sad to see how many 'broken' marriages there are these days.

 

8 out of 10 of my friends' parents are divorced! It just proves how the quality of life, and the meaning of relationships seem to be meaningless. Whatever it is, I think that people should learn how to be 'honest', and live life with 'compassion,' so that people like us, don't have to post on enotalone for heartaches. But instead, post about happiness! I hope that people learn how to love others more often, by being more sympathetic and less apathetic!

 

Mahlina

[Eh Im Canadian]

Haha, I just went back through trying to find that list, and it was yours mahlina! I guess I just didn't notice it becuase I didn't see your little photo in the corner. Thanks for helping me find out what love is I hope that anyone reading this will actually get something out of it. Thanks again

[mahlina]

Hey not problem my Eh? Im Canadian! I really enjoyed your post! I think that far too often, people don't analyze things enough! People should look past the little things in life, and think about the 'important' things in life! It makes me soooo incredibly SICK! To see how people view marriage and life, in my area. I live in a place near "Nellie Gail," and the people here just take life and marriage for granted! It makes me sad to see their children go out, get drunk, and party out of dis-illusionment! I think that people should stop and think before they marry. They should consider the next 'generations' to come. So that divorce rates don't rise up outrageously high, such as 80-90 percent! People should wisen up, be more selfless, and love each other, so that they don't have to live in such a vane, materialistic-lifestyle! That's why I admire countries in which represent a socialistic type of bondage, like Canada! How are the divorce rates over there by the way? I'm just curious?

[Eh Im Canadian]

I looked it up for you and found these statistics.

 

In 2003, there were 71144 divorces in Canada.

There are only 31,629,700 people living in Canada in 2003.

thereforeeee, there is a ratio of 1 divorce to 444.5 people.

That is a 0.02 % divorce percent.

 

Well, I don't live in Canada anymore, I moved to the US last year. So I guess I live a materialistic country now. Thanks for replying!

[mahlina]

You're welcome Eh? Im Canadian,

 

Wow! Thanks for the statistics! Amazing isn't it?! I admire that!

 

I think that it's really materialistic where I live. It's pretty apparent. Especially by the way people dress, drive, etc. I think that for the most part, small towns in the U.S. aren't like that. You'll meet nice, genuine people in the U.S. too, who aren't materialistic! I admire them too! I think it's just more condensed in my area! But thanks for looking up the statistics!