Almost 9 months of NC and I still miss her

[Hold-emMan]

It's been nearly 9 months since we were last in contact and over a year since we split and I still miss her so much. I think about her everyday and although in a way I feel like I've moved on from her in a sense that I am very open to new love, I feel that I'm definitely not over her at all. Our breakup was actually fairly mutual last year. I moved out of state and I guess that and the fact that we were having some problems and argued quite easily were the reasons why we didn't stay to together. I have an unbelievable amount of regrets because I really feel that with a little more effort on my part (and less taking her for granted which I realize now that I totally did) and the decision to stick it out in the town where we lived and not accept a job out of state- which I ended up leaving anyway- we'd still be together today. I'm not going to go into all the details because there are many, but I will say that there were also some things I could have done after I left to help bring us back together (like come back to town sooner for example). Am I crazy for still missing someone this much after a year and having these regrets also? People, including my own family, tell me to just forget her and get over her. I fell like when they say that it just makes me miss her that much more. Since the split I've met some girls whom I was very interested in... and there have been girls who were interested in me but for whatever reasons it never became serious. Dating is just so friggin hard, especially online dating! She ended up dating somebody just 4 months after our split of a 2.5 year relationship in which we lived together for a lot of it. Now, I don't know how serious it was/is and even if they're still together but if they are then good for her... but bad for me I don't even know what to say anymore. I just miss her so much and I wish I didn't.

[Dinka]

Sometimes it just takes longer for some people to adjust to the aftermath...sometimes it's faster for others.

 

You take as long as you must. Just make sure that you are making the effort to move on in the meantime and not falling into a pit of "what if."

[floridafan]

Man, I feel like I might be making a post like this several months down the road. There are times I feel I have moved on, and the pain is not near what it used to be but it's still there. I think about her every day, but it only really brings me down for about a week out of each month, but I can't imagine it lessening.

 

I don't think it's abnormal to feel this way. Being 'in love' doesn't last forever, but love does. Once someone has occupied a special place in your heart it's impossible to forget about them entirely. Just know that you can never find EXACTLY what you had before. That doesn't mean you can't find someone as special or who makes you as happy, just that it will be different. I say this from experience: my high-school sweetheart (together 3 years) left me very abruptly several years ago at the end of our junior year. Eventually the pain went away but I still thought about her all the time. 1 1/2 years later, when we were both going to different colleges she called me out of the blue (though she was still with the guy she left me for in high school) and we ended up getting back together after a month or two of talking (she left the guy to come back to me). When we split in high-school it was a nasty breakup and 'never again' was used repeatedly by us both but the passage of time somehow washed those negative feelings away. It didn't work out, she cheated on me again a year later and I can now say I have learned my lesson when it comes to this particular girl, but she still crosses my mind from time to time. Point is, once they occupy a special place in your heart I don't think that can ever be forgotten. This is normal. The regrets are normal. Since then I have fallen in love again (that's why I'm posting here today), but the high-school sweetheart will forever hold a special place in my heart.

 

What do you think about the idea of testing the waters by somehow reaching out to her again? I NEVER thought my high-school sweetheat thought about me after our first breakup, but it turns out she did.

[stingray]

Ahh jeez! To be honest, I don't think anyone here can help you. You must help yourself because in the end we are alone in our personal struggles. I am going through the same thing right now.

 

Though, if you ever need to talk to someone you can PM me.

[Xplode]

Where im right there with you. almost same reasons. im only 8 months out. but i miss mine like crazy, i have no words to assist you here. but just no that im still hoping there is someone else out there as good as the person lost. and im still struggeling with the idea of re-pursuing her. but so much time has passed. it makes it hard.

 

do you plan on calling her?

[Hold-emMan]

I actually emailed her a few weeks back, but it was about her dog. A song reminded me of her dog and i thought she would like to hear it...as silly as that might sound. At the end of the email i told her that she doesn't need to write back though. She hasn't written back. The last thing i want to do is stalk her, ya know?

[Xplode]

yeah i know what u mean, i sent my ex a notice about donuts. u can only get them in melbourne and we live in perth. (australia).

 

and there was a once off order for them for a charity. so i forward it to her. and said i dont expect you to reply. but thought u might like this.

[vivia12]

understand that NC is for you,to heal and move on its not easy,do u fill up yoru time w/friends,activitied? what do you reallly like to do,

at least youre strong enough to go that long in NC,really! i commend you

[longdist]

I can understand your position. I'm 9 months out (we dated 4-1/2 years). When I do think about my ex now, I think of her as a stranger, because that is what she has become to me. Thinking of her as a stranger has helped a lot. When I think of the relationship, I only think of the good times and the beginning of the relationship, but then I stop myself and force myself to think about the other parts. Other than that, you just have to find what works for you. I'm sure it helps to eventually find someone new that does work out.