J1nx3d Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 I was wondering if there were more like me... I was raped at the age of 14 by a friend I know his name, I never told anyone I built fake memories over it I am now 23. The worst part of everything was that I had to have an abortion after this... ok long story short I got over it on my own and never spoke to any one however I started new behaviours, I became antisocial, i started cutting myself when I felt angry, i have little to no self esteem, I lie to make people like me, and the wierdest thing is that I am highly dependent on a sexual relationship... sometimes I feel that its all I can offer to someone. I have had many boyfriends and always end relationships by hurting them by accident. I started talking about my problem this year and told my mother abut 3 months ago but I am getting worse and worse, also during this period my current boyfriend and I fight continuasly and I have started cutting myself again... I love him very much but am scared of not being good enough, also now that I am working alot more. Im scared I looses my mind, also my nightmares have started again. Please someone help me Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Have you had any therapy??? BTW - in that kind of situations it would be best to put your own thoughts in order, because jumping from one mostly sexual relationship to the other will make things only worse... Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Hi there, It's time for you to go to counselling. Maybe you can hook up with some support groups for rape victims to talk about what you've been through. I'm sure you're not alone. Link to comment
Tetsuo_Shima Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Hi, let me start by saying that while I am not a tape victim, I know a few individuals that are. The behavior you describe is normal to what I've seen. In the past I have been abused by my father, mentally and physically since I was very young. My behavior got increasingly more self destructive to myself and those around me until recently after a failed suicide attempt i decided to get some help for myself. The therapy helped me emmensely and I've begun to get on with my life and put together something I'm more happy with. I urge your deeply please for your own sake an sanity find yourself a good councilor. Talking really DOES help. Don't let this tragedy consume you, let the fact that you are still alive empower you. This person may have hurt you but it IS NOT your fault. They took away your control and power just as my father did when he abused me and stole my innocence. They have a part of your past but your future is ALL yours and you can make of it what ever you will. Please, seek help and in time with hard work, you will get past it. And always remember there are people out there that can help, that want to help and that really do care. I know how hard it can be to believe that but they are there and my prayers are with you. Be safe. Link to comment
J1nx3d Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 My problems have started getting worse now that I am talking about it... I have bought everything to the surface however things were good from the age of 17-22... now Im feeling like im loosing myself. Im also becoming a little emotionless when I have to have emotion and cry at inapropriate times. Im in a country where I cant seek Therapy as its not my native language and its almost impossible to speak to people... The first person I spoke to about this is my current boyfriend after 6 hours of knowing him i confessed everything as I felt safe with him. Is there anything else I can do or other people I can talk to... because Im going to loose this guy and my mind Im scared, and i cant do to much... Link to comment
J1nx3d Posted September 13, 2009 Author Share Posted September 13, 2009 Have you had any therapy??? BTW - in that kind of situations it would be best to put your own thoughts in order, because jumping from one mostly sexual relationship to the other will make things only worse... No i havent Link to comment
Tetsuo_Shima Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I see the different language thing does present a problem. as for things getting worse when you open up. yes as usual with problems like this things will get hectic, but understand that's a temporary side effect. that goes away if you work hard enough towards what you want. there are hotlines you can call and such, phone therapy and such. you'd have to look in to whats available to you near you. Link to comment
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