how do you avoid hurt feelings?

[mr.mac]

I often find myself rationalizing things that my GF does and I try to look at things from her perspective. Sometimes I'm successful and things don't bother which means no hurt feelings. Sometimes I can't figure out or understand where she is coming from and then things do bother me and I get hurt feelings.

 

Today, for example, we sometimes talk via email while at work and we always say goodbye or whatever when one of us needs to attend to work and then the other always (usually!) responds in kind. Today...no goodbye from her after I said that I had to get back to work. Am I being petty for being annoyed by this?

 

Anyway, my overall question is how do I avoid projecting annoyance on her when I call her later tonight? How do I not get so upset with her when everything inside of me is frustrated by this?

 

Thanks.

[georgiagrrrl]

That's a hard question as we're all going to have hurt feelings from time to time. There are times when we all are just more sensitive than others. Sometimes my ex would say something to me and I'd just let it go. Three days later if he said the exact same thing in the exact same way, I'd cry and then cuss him out. lol (I'm overexaggerating, of course)

 

My point is that everyday is different.

 

Also, she may been called away, had to take a phone call, who knows what happened on her end and she didnt get to say goodbye. I would ask her what happened..play like your heart has been broken because she didnt say good bye, and make a joke of it. Hopefully she will give you a good answer. Then you would have been hurt and mad for nothing.

 

Pick your battles. And not saying goodbye wouldnt be one that I'd pick. Walking out in the middle of dinner at a nice restaurant and sticking me with the bill...I'd be pissed about. Pick your battles. lol

[mr.mac]

I would ask her what happened..play like your heart has been broken because she didnt say good bye, and make a joke of it. Hopefully she will give you a good answer. Then you would have been hurt and mad for nothing.

 

This approach never works with us. Just bringing it up will lead to a fight. And my intention wouldn't be to fight, but to get clarification on the situation. I'm thinking taking one for the team is the best approach here. Ugh.

[bankofthewest]

her not saying goodbye should not be a big deal. If my g/f came to me and said she was upset that I didn't say good bye, I would think she's crazy.

 

Seems to me like you have some trust issues with her.

[mr.mac]

her not saying goodbye should not be a big deal. If my g/f came to me and said she was upset that I didn't say good bye, I would think she's crazy.

 

Seems to me like you have some trust issues with her.

 

Trust issues? umm no. I just think of it as a courtesy. I wouldn't be in the middle of a phone conversation with her and then just hang up in the middle of it without saying goodbye. Same thing.

[valiantv]

THe only advice I can give is... Don't worry about it!

For one thing she mightn't see this goodbye saying thing as the same ritual as you do.

For another thing, don't take offense from anything said/not said in emails or texts or stuff like that - you can't tell the tone of voice, body language, etc.

 

The way to avoid hurt feelings is to remember that

1) Sometimes people say or do things without meaning any offense but other people read the wrong thing into it and so take offense. Because the two minds are different you see and hold what's said in different context.

 

2) This goes ten-fold for emails and even more so for text messages.

[mr.mac]

THe only advice I can give is... Don't worry about it!

For one thing she mightn't see this goodbye saying thing as the same ritual as you do.

For another thing, don't take offense from anything said/not said in emails or texts or stuff like that - you can't tell the tone of voice, body language, etc.

 

The way to avoid hurt feelings is to remember that

1) Sometimes people say or do things without meaning any offense but other people read the wrong thing into it and so take offense. Because the two minds are different you see and hold what's said in different context.

 

2) This goes ten-fold for emails and even more so for text messages.

 

Thank you! These are very good points and very reassuring.