is he over reactiing?

[avustt]

ive been going out with my guy for three years we have a great relationship, but about 6 months ago he broke up with me becasue i didnt trust him because of something he lied to me about. i went looking through his phone for numbers and saw that he had called the same girl he had been hanging out with behind my back. i lied and told him a friend had told me he had been talking to her, he found out i lied and broke up with me for not trusting him. we got back together and i promised him i would never do anything like that again. well about a month ago i was being a stupid girl and asked his younger sister whether he had been hanging out with any girls. she said no but told him yesterday i had asked this. now he says he has alot of thinking to do and doesent know if he can give me another chance, and that nothing i say means anything becasue obviously im lieing and have lied all the time to him. so he wont talk to me and says not to call him hell call me when hes ready to tell me his decision. is he over reacting? what should i do? im aware he is being controlling, but i dont know maybe he is hiding something to get so angry about something. please help!!! thanks

[mahlina]

Wow! This story sounds sooo familiar! This might not be the answer that you want to hear, but the truth hurts, but at least you'll know that you're thinking with your mind instead of your heart. Far too often, when we are in love, we don't look at the things that really bother us, and we let little problems like that slip. In fact, you ARE being too much of a good girlfriend, doing that you are doing. You are quite patient! First of all, the fact that he LIED to you, shows NO justification for his ACTIONS at all! Okay, this will sound blunt, but you gotta realize that he's 'playing' with your heart. I smell a dog here! I mean, he's inflicting pain on you without feeling ANY sense of remorse.

 

Secondly, you don't break up with someone because the other person does NOT trust you. In some cases, if it's to the extreme, then yes, it's understandable. However, instead of breaking up with you, FOR SOMETHING THAT HE DID, he should have made up for it, by:

1. Asking you for forigiveness.

2. Allowing him to make it up to you.

 

This guy's all talk! Trust builds over time. And for him to lose that trust from you, he should've paid for it! Instead, what does he do? He turns around, and slaps it in YOUR FACE, by making it seem like it's YOUR FAULT! Whatever! =; I'm sick and tired of guys mistreating women! And most of all, I'm sick and tired of these 'players' always getting away with their pathetic lies and abuse!

 

Is He Over-Reacting?

Yes! He's playing with your heart, and toying with your emotions! He's being a JERK to you! Clearly, he's trying to gain the UPPER-HAND, by putting you in your spot! He's trying to manipulate your situation, and your relationship, so that you don't question his lying and betrayal! He wants to keep you blinded to what he's doing behind your back! He basically just wants to 'fool around,' put you down, oppress you, and make it seem like he's 'justifiable' in his actions! Clearly, he's being completely self-absorbed, ruthless, and un-remorseful!

 

Please take my advice! This guy's NOT worth your time! 3 years is nothing compared to 15 years, with 3 children. Do you understand where I'm getting at? At least you have your answers now, so that you will realize the kind of person that he is, a player!

 

Golden Rules for a Healthy, Commited Relationship

1. Actions speak louder than words. (His actions, calling another girl, hanging out with her, behind your back! Not good!).

2. An Exclusive Relationship = "Full Commitment" (Discluding 3rd party relationships! Your man should stick by your side, and not wander elsewhere.)

3. Mature Relationships are about Mutual, Reciprical interest, and RESPECT!

4. Trust requires time, and patience! Once a person lies, that trust is not easily repairable. And the person lied to, has every rights to question their partner's intent. thereforeeee, to fix it, both people have to learn how to be patient with one another, and NOT break up, because the other person DOES NOT automatically re-trust the liar again! That's B.S. if he says that to you.

 

Honey, he's NOT worth it! If he wants to hang out with the other chick, then let him do so! Sooner or later, karma will strike back, and hit him hard! I hate people who mistreat their partners, especially, when they are the one's who are being 'committed and honest.' I hate it! So, realize that you are the lucky one! You are lucky to find out now than later. I'm sure that this drama will continue, until you are fed up with it. He will continue on lying to you, as long as he feels like he can get away with it! I know how you feel. I've been through it. That's all I gotta say, based on personal experience!

 

Sincerely,

Mahlina

 

P.S.- Try to gain wisdom from this experience okay?! Don't let him get you down! He's not the last guy on this planet! You WILL find BETTER!

[avustt]

do u think i should talk to him? tell him what you said in my own words? or just not talk to him show him im not wating around for him?

[mahlina]

Hi avustt!

 

I think that it's important that you communicate what's bothering you, and then leave it at that! Don't let him convince you! Don't buy into his excuses and lies! Don't let him get the last straw out of you! Just tell him that he was a jerk for lying! Let him know that you're not cool with it! And he can deal with the rest. Actually, at this point, now that he's 'kicking' it with another female, I don't even know if you confronting him about the issues, will even affect him. I doubt it. He's too busy getting game with someone else. Perhaps, it's best to let him be.

 

But, if I were you, I'd tell him to his face, and then let it be. I hate leaving my problems unresolved, and like to have 'closure' for things in my life. However, sometimes, it's just not necessary, you know what I mean? Sometimes, it's not worth it. Sometimes it's best to just snap yoour fingers, and give him the hand! =; But, whatever you do, be true to yourself! Be true to what you want! If it means that you have to have the last word, then do so. And then COMPLETELY let him go.

 

I know that it's hard, but that's life. We just have to learn how to let go of the ones that we love. When they double-cross us, learn to NEVER let them into OUR lives AGAIN! Once they hurt us, they can, and 'will,' do it again. So, we must take preventative actions to protect ourselves. Stay Srong K?! Remember, don't buy into his phony excuses. Excuses are excuses. I don't believe in excuses, when it comes to matters of the heart!