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Stupid Uncontrollable Obsession

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So I was involved with this girl & it didn't really work out. I was pretty cut up about it not working out.


I'm over it & her now, but I seem to have these crazy obsessive thoughts:


She has never met my friends, but last week a bunch of us were going out to a gig & one of my friends backed out at the last minute. He had bought a ticket, but said he wasn't going anymore.


I thought that it was strange and then my obsessive thoughts kicked in...I was like, what if he has heard me talk about this girl so much that his interest was sparked & he set about finding her on a social networking site & tried his luck & maybe she was coming over to his...I know it's irrational


We were all out last night & went back to his flat & We were all really drunk & in the morning I couldn't remember much & I started to think what if I metioned to him last night. Mentioned what I had been thinking from before.


I spoke to him today & asked if I had mentioned her at all the previous night & he said no (he wouldn't have thought it strange that I asked this as I had the tendency to talk about her a lot after the breakup & he knew I was trying to let it go). But the thought is still there. I prob didn't mention it, but now I think...what if i've now given him the idea


I think it's because he does have a tendency to try his luck at any opportunity with any girl & I know what he's like. But he is a good friend, and i'm sure he wouldn't want to do that to me anyway.


I wish I didn't have to put up with these thoughts all the time. I'm slowly going crazy. I wasn't ever like this before I met her. ](*,)

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Maybe you need to consciously flesh out how you really feel about her and the relationship so that things don't seep unhealthily into your subconscience.


I have & I don't want her. She turned out to be quite manipulative & has told some lies that I have found out about & tbh I am now glad i'm not with her.


Truth be told I probably didn't mention anything about her at all. Just that I couldn't remember. I mean, he had never met her before...so why would I think that way?...really starting to worry about my mental health

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How much of this post is about this girl, and how much of it about a lack of trust for your friend?


You weren't concerned that she might be out with 'some other guy'-- your irrational thoughts had to do with your buddy.


You say: "I think it's because he does have a tendency to try his luck at any opportunity with any girl & I know what he's like."


and then you discount your statement by saying:


"But he is a good friend, and i'm sure he wouldn't want to do that to me anyway."


Now, I'm not saying that the specific fear is founded (I mean, how likely is it that she'd be out with him?)

but -- and maybe this is going out on a limb a bit,

but if your gut tells you that your friend is a bit of a player (or is overly competitive with you)-- and you don't have these sort of thoughts/doubts about your other friends-- well then maybe you should give your gut a bit of credit, and not look to this particular friend for advice, or confide in him about girls (or anything else) the way you might with someone that you KNOW that you can trust.

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Perhaps. I know that it's all in my head. I just think that it's weird that i know that i'm over her. I don't actually want anything to do with her at all, but can't stop coming up with these scenarios.


I don't know why I think these things. It's sooo 'out there' as an idea. It's probably that I know that, even though i'm over her it, would hurt to see her not only with someone else, but with one of my friends & me having to be around her all the time because of it.

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I suggest you stop obsessing over your ex's life and start thinking about yours. Maybe if YOU start taking more opportunities with the LOAD of amazing girls that's outside, you'll stop focusing on this crap...


I know, I know. Been thinking of joining an online dating site & just start putting myself out there. I'm really shy & don't approach girls at all, lol.


So maybe one of these sites would be a good place to start...maybe eharmony or something...

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