What can I do about my insecure girlfriend? nothing I do helps

[Funuraba]

Heyyy,

 

Well I really do love my girlfriend, but sometimes she becomes to insecure, i do exactly what im supposed to do when someone feels insecure - Ask her whats wrong, try reassure her, compliment her, talk to her nicely, compromise ~ but not shes just getting too much.

 

Example - She would ask me a question, lets say it was " whats wrong, you dont seem right?" ~ id be like, oh no its nothin dont worry - because i know she will take it the wrong way if i tell her its her. and she if i dont tell she wouldnt let it go, to the extent that she doesnt talk anymore.

 

She comes up with the most profound ideas - like some other girl, that i havnt spoken to in half a year, that i dont like her anymore, when im constantly reassuring her, and it just ticks me off, id reassure her but she doesnt even listen to me. If i mention another girl, shed think theres somthing of it ( a girl who ive never done anything with, and has been my best friend for a longggg time ) - But then she goes on abt other guys( best friend and her ex that she hates - but still.... hypocrytical). -

 

Incase your all wondering, she would not cheat on me, or leave me for another guy

 

Ughh i just dunno what to do with her

 

Any advice?

[vertigoxo]

How old are you two?

[Symbolic]

Maybe you should be honest about things. Like if you don't like something, say it. She might get huffy and puffy, but it will show her you will tell the truth about things. So when she is being insecure about something, maybe she will be more likely to believe you if you have a record of being more blunt and truthful about things. If you always tell her what she wants to hear, she may never believe anything you say, it might be like a "too good to be true" type thing I guess.

This is just theory, I have no actual personal experience but that is what my brain tells me to say. Maybe someone else can tell me I'm an idiot or not lol.

[Maya_A]

I think it's always better to tell her rather than saying nothing. Even non insecure people might be bothered/confused by a change in their partner's mood or behavior & when asked about it they reply with nothing.

 

I understand that you say she gets upset when you tell the truth (though she gets upset either way) and this is what needs to be dealt with.

 

Her going on about others can be part of her insecurity as well. I think she needs to find out what the heart of her insecurity is. Where it comes from. What is the real fear? That she is unlovable, that she is unworthy of happiness, that she is unattractive, etc?

 

It is time for her to do some self searching & practice some cognitive (changing in perceiving & thinking) exercises.

 

Good luck...