friends after "no"?

[d-blues]

First of all, great website. It's helped me figure out some things.

 

Here's my situation. I met a girl last quarter in Chemistry lab. We've known each other now for about 3 months. In that time, we've studied together, gone out as friends a few times and I've seen her apartment once. Anyway, I don't know her feelings for me. I feel like I grow to like her more and more with every interaction. I want to let her know my feelings and tell her that I'd like it if we started dating.

 

Here's my dilema and question. I still treasure this growing friendship and don't want to ruin it my making my feelings known to her although I'm sure she knows what's up already. My question is for those of you who've made your romantic feelings known to a fairly new friend and got rejected. Have you been able to retain your friendship or did it get too awkward after that? One reason I'm asking is that we're lab partners and we've still got 8 more weeks together in lab. Everyone there has seen the two of us getting closer from last quarter to now. If it all comes crashing down and all of a sudden she no longer wants to associate with me, I'd have to put up with the embarrassment for 8 torturous weeks. There go my grades. Advice is appreciated as well.

 

Thanks,

 

d-blues

[puny_guy]

Hey buddy,

Well I DON'T know from personal experience. But I'd say that some of the best romantic relationships start off as friendships. As always though, there is a risk. It MAY make the friendship awkard if you were to get rejected, but it may not. Only you know her character better then we do and how strong your friendship is. If your having feelings for her, take the risk, don't bottle it up. Good luck.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Things will be fine even is she does say no as long as you do things right (which it doesn't sound likely that she will say that).

 

That is a time where you have to make sure that everything you say comes accross a very calculated, so if you are a romantic like myself that could be a bit of a problem. For instance, if you were to say something along the lines of "I'm really starting to like you," that is something that is really hard to be able to come back from. Now if you say something more along the lines of "is this a relationship you would like to take as more than just friends in the future," that gives you lots of wiggle room to play it off as you were just trying to see what she was thinking and were rather indifferent as to the outcome in the event that she says no. If she says yes, then the next question is "how far in the future?"

 

I know those were quite simple scenarios, but I hope you get the picture. Like anything else you can use the information in any way you wish to make it fit your situation.

 

Good luck and god bless

[d-blues]

Thanks for the tips. I have heard that the best romantic relationships start off as friendships. I'll come up with something to say that'll leave me an "out", keep my cool and just go for it. No problem. That is until we first see each other that day and she smiles at me.

[d-blues]

This is a follow up. Well, I did post something similiar to this follow up in the Asking Out For A Date section. Anyway, I never did tell her how I felt. The reason is that for 2 weeks now, she's been acting distant, impatient and sometimes rude to me. I think she got fed up with waiting for me to do something. Right now, I'm pissed off. I'll try to email her about it and ask her what's up indirectly somehow. I think this is going from a question of "friends after no" to "is she really a friend".