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So Confused-Please Help


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Hey Everyone,


I have been dating this guy for over a month now. I had always seen him in various places and was incredibly attracted to him, and the first night that we met we spent the entire night together-dancing, talking, and just kissing. Following this, we spent every day/night together for weeks. He goes out and drinks with his guy friends alot and I don't drink but go out and it seemed to work. He promised me that he would show me how much he cares about me and he did: he took me to interesting places and we got to spend time together. Everything seemed great and our chemistry was amazing.


Now, only about a month later, he is starting to act a little weird. Although we spend weeknights together, on weekends I always have to hang out with him and his guy friends while they are drinking heavily. He calls me every day and asks what I am up to/if I want to meet with him and his friends so I feel that he must be interested. Yet, I feel that I can't just do something normal with him--go for a walk, get some ice cream, see a movie, just hang out and talk in his apartment. It is always me meeting new guy friends of his. On top of this, he has been questioning how I act in different situations and is very irritable (ex: getting angry at me for no valid reason). His place is an absolute mess and he will go from getting mad at how messy it is and apologizing to saying "wait no, I don't give a * * * * ".


When we go out, I feel that he checks out other girls (and I KNOW that many men do this). Yet, he does show PDA and doesn't pretend that we are not dating.


There is one other issue. He is having some problems in bed which I have understood but I can tell that it makes him feel a bit immasculated.


I really don't know what to do in this situation. This is the first guy that I have truly liked in three years. I don't want to just dismiss it because of how good it was at the beginning and the hope that I have that he is just insecure or it doesn't have to do with me. I have cried alot in his bathroom during the night lately, worried that he is cheating on me or losing interest in me. This is a problem that I have always had when I truly begin to like a guy. I don't want to give this up or steer him away, but I don't know how to make everything better.


Any advice would be appreciated and I am sorry that this is so long. I just can't read the situation well and I have been very upset over it all.



Thanks All.

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Thank you shuttlefish, that is actually refreshing to hear.


I have had some problems with men that I usually have feelings for. I have always been a very independent person and confident on my own but as soon as I get into a relationship, I feel insecure and cheated. My first relationship was with a similar guy who drank alot but he made me excited and happy most of the time. Also, we had great conversations. The second guy I dated (my longest relationship) was for almost three years and he started to communicate less. I quit my job to move accross the country and live with him and with my bags packed and ready to go, he called me last minute and said "I can't do this, it's over". Then, he changed his phone number, address and information. I haven't spoken to him since. I took a year and a half off from men to travel and take a breather after that experience. Then, I met this guy who I felt so much for.


I don't know why I am so drawn to men who are unpredictable and a little wild. I feel that it is most likely from a constant childhood need to be accepted by people who would never accept me. This is the only thing that I can think of since I am a relatively stable person and had a great life otherwise.


As soon as I am with a guy that I am crazy about, I literally become crazy and overly jealous. It is a side of me that I never see as a single woman. I get addicted to the person and can't even sleep with the thought of them. I know that I have alot of passion, but this is a bit extreme and probably ruins things for me. I have no idea what to do.

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And added to that, I will like someone so much (such as this guy) that no matter how much they change in a negative way, I will still want to stay with them because I can't bare the thought of not being with them. I also feel that I will never find someone that I am so attracted to in so many ways.

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This is very true and something that I have thought of. Thank you. I genuinely hope that I will but it worries me since I am in my mid 20's that it is more than just a phase. I wish that I was attracted to and excited around the many men in my life who I can go out for coffee with and have an intellectual conversation. This never happens, though.

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