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Ex coming over tomorrow night...


Singler

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Its been a month since our breakup. we were together for 10 months. He broke up with me telling me he does not like my attitude (it's not an attitude I am just really quiet and when people talk to me I get so shy I make mostly communicate non verbally with them, but I do speak to others but not all the time) and he does not think I change therefore we are not right for eachother.

 

Everything else was good between us, it;'s just he is more social than me, but I was working on it.

 

So He is coming over tomorrow night to pick up some stuff, we have not talked about us on tonights texts. I know that I have to move on for my own sanity but I do want to make it work somehow.

 

any advice?

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I would take some time to compose yourself before he gets there. I would also have his stuff ready to take so it will be a quick exchange and he wont have to go around rooting for stuff. Anything like a greeting kiss or hug - let him initiate it, whether you choose to reciprocate is your choice, but if you do don't go overboard.

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he called this morning and further planned it, he told me he was confused and scared about getting back together and I kinda cut him off from finishing, I mean I have been doing so well I don't want to feel powerless....

 

I will let him do most of the talking and see what happens...

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Ok so he came over last night, he tried not to look me in the eye, we sat down watched some tv and had a few kisses which led into a talk.

 

He told me that all he wanted was space to sort out his feelings, and I did not give it to him and it only fueled him to say its over when actually he is confused and scared.

 

He said he loves me and is in love with me, he is attracted to me and wants to be with me but there is something that he can't describe which is why he needs space.

 

He said it would be fair for us to go on a date once a week for starters, he knows what I want and wants it as well but he also thinks we need to have space yet work on it together. He does not want to spend nights at my house or sleep with me because he does not want to make me feel used.

 

He is not making promises, but I guess it just like when you first start dating, you don't know where its going to go. He said he was going camping with his kids next weekend so he won't see me this week and then he said I'll give you a call sunday for weds. which I liked because it shows that he does want to spend time with me.

 

I don't want to blow this 2nd chance(can i even call it that?) I noticed that he might be hesitant because he does not know what his family will think, his family did not like his ex wife.

 

I also tend to always think negatively, my friend says this is positve but just don't pressure anything because a man will run....

 

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks....

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I think it sounds good. Just go with the flow. He seems sincere to me because he's not wanting to use you as a FWB situation. The fact that he doesn't want to stay over and sleep with you says a lot to me about his intentions. Do the one date a week thing awhile and see how it goes. Best wishes.

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Is it wrong for him to make it clear that it may not develop into us getting "back together"?

 

No, I think that's admirable on his part. He's being upfront and honest with you and is making sure he doesn't mislead you in any way. Yes, it is a risk for you because it may not develop into getting back together, but sometimes you have to take risks and give love a chance to develop if it's going to. It may or it may not. I guess you have to decide if he's worth the risk to take that chance, and if you really want him back and how badly. Keep us posted.

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he really is such a great guy and well I had alot of stress that I brought into our relationship and it was too much for him, what scares me is that he may never want to be bf/gf again... he also said he never let the idea of us getting back together go he just needs time to sort things out, which has me believing he is getting backsassing from his family.

 

It confuses me because one minute he wants us and the next minute he needs space. I know he is confused as well but damn this is the hardest break up ever because we were good together, we never took the time to really analyze our personal situations and I guess now we are doing that...

 

as for sleeping with him I know that he will NOT sleep with someone unless he is in a relationship, he is a family man and I know if we did have sex I would not be used but I know he is not sure of our future and that is why he does not want to do it. I will keep everyone posted and thaks for all your comments and advice. This site is great!

 

Also my own word of advice for people, if your ex asked for space, give it to them! They are many reasons why... have pride...Even one call a week is too much it shows that you are checking up on them, he said my calls were hounding him, harrassing and not respecting his request for space... they have your number and if they want to call they will... by you calling them you ruin possiblities...

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Ok so he just called me.... he was nicer like other times when we got into arguments and were going to make up.... He said he will call me weds and we will see eachother after dinner and go out but he will not longer come up to my apartment.

 

He said it will be more confusing for us, and its best we don't do anything for a long time so that we can both think clearly.

 

Part of me is thinking that ok, he is trying to just be my friend and not work things out between him and I....but part of me remembers how patient he was when we first started dating, he said we would talk about things on weds.

 

I am so nervous, I do not want to mess up... I am scared i will not talk about the right things... I know he needs to be the obe to lead the convo,etc....

 

Advice please!!!

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