Bi and ashamed

[sweetguy88]

I feel ashamed that I am Bi I feel like I should be straight like everyoe else why do I feel this way ?

[chcmb43]

Not everyone else is straight, they just act straight around you because they don't know your gay (bi, whatever you feel you are)

[Difficult]

You shouldnt be ashamed. Nature, nurture whatever, you are who you are.

[waveseer]

I believe it is possible to feel pleasure with another human regardless of gender. Orientation seems to be about which gender is more visually stimulating. Identification seems to be about gender preference. When blindfolded, everyone is bisexual.

[lukeb]

I feel ashamed that I am Bi I feel like I should be straight like everyoe else why do I feel this way ?

 

 

The simplest answer is you are homophobic.

 

A phobia is an unnatural and excessive fear of something. Could be heights, wide open spaces, spiders or whatever. Your fear just happens to be about homosexuality.

 

I think the above is the best answer, I have tried to rationalize over the years, and when you think about something long enough you will come up with some answers. Possibly at the core of the fear is the belief that the male should be dominant over the female sex, and the sex act is one expression of that dominance. So any sex act where the male "submits" and is on the "receiving" end is considered obscene.

[chcmb43]

The simplest answer is you are homophobic.

 

A phobia is an unnatural and excessive fear of something. Could be heights, wide open spaces, spiders or whatever. Your fear just happens to be about homosexuality.

 

I think the above is the best answer, I have tried to rationalize over the years, and when you think about something long enough you will come up with some answers. Possibly at the core of the fear is the belief that the male should be dominant over the female sex, and the sex act is one expression of that dominance. So any sex act where the male "submits" and is on the "receiving" end is considered obscene.

 

w t f ? Dude, your opinion of who is allowed to do what role is obscene. Sometimes a man just wants to let go and let someone else take the lead for once. It is true you hardly ever see that in straight relationships, but obviously this kid is taking interest in GAY relationships and wants advice so he may feel its okay to try something new. Well, it is okay to experiment, and if he experiments and likes being submissive in a gay relationsip, whoo hoo!

[lukeb]

Of course I never said I agreed with that belief, the OP is trying to figure out why he is ashamed. I've never been homophobic but of course I know many both gay and straight who are homophobic.

 

Why do you believe he feels shame?

[sweetguy88]

I am just scared to in my first guy relationship

[berzerk]

Don't let society rule you over by what they think is right. Be you.

[lukeb]

I think the problem is mostly that he feels shame, not so much what "society" think of him, although that may also be a problem but he hasn't mentioned that yet.

[sweetguy88]

I am also worried about what soicty thinks about me

[Lucy__lou]

I will also have to agree with Luke's blunt judgement that you are homophobic.

 

you like guys, but you don't approve of your own natural inclinations. As for being afraid of not being accepted by others, well you're not going to ever be accepted by others if you don't accept yourself first.

 

Geography plays a big role in how easy or difficult it is for LGBT people to feel like they're normal, and accept themselves as they are .

 

I just took a quick look at the gay atlas online here:

link removed

 

and it says Ohio is in the top 10 for States with the most same sex households, but none of the cities in Ohio make the list. If your town where you live is pretty intolerant of homosexuality, you might want to start travelling to some of the gay mecca cities, like New York and Chicago and see what everyday acceptance looks like. And in the mean time, expose yourself to as much gay culture and media as you can, because the more you expose yourself to it, the more normal it will seem, and that shame might start to dissolve.

[sweetguy88]

I just wish socity respected gays bi and lesbians the way I see it love has no gender it shouldnt matter love is love

[lukeb]

I just wish society respected gays bi and lesbians the way I see it love has no gender it shouldn't matter love is love

 

If this was truly the way you saw things then you wouldn't feel shame, I think it is good that you typed this out. If you practice believing this, and surround yourself with people who believe the same thing, then over time your homophobia will become less and less.

[stevew]

Sweetguy, I am a gay male that is drawn for some reason to bisexuals. I am definitely not saying here that bisexuals are the problem, or that there is no bisexuality. What I will say to you is that you have to be comfortable. If being with a guy is going to make you feel uncomfortable during or afterwards, don't do it. It's okay to fantasize,but don't act on it. It will only hurt you and the other party if you aren't yet comfortable with sexual acts/emotions with a guy. Being comfortable and loving yourself and sticking to your value system are what's most important.