I have no friends, and I can't do anything about it

[bw]

I am 18 and preparing to enter college. I try to live a good moral life and don't participate in common activities among teens such as drinking and drugs, which is why I have a more difficult time making friends than most teens. However, I don't understand why not a single person will be a true friend to me. I have been struggling with this problem with having no friends since I was in seventh grade. When I was in sixth grade, I had two best friends and we hung out all the time. That soon changed. Since seventh grade, everytime I have wanted to do anything, it has had to be alone. Anytime I ask anybody I know if they want to do anything, they will either tell me they are busy or they will make a personal attack toward me. It seems that no matter how hard I try or who I try to befriend, everybody rejects me. Every once and a while somebody will appear to want to be my friend, but they will stab me in the back (sometimes very painfully) as soon as I begin trusting them. I have just had this happen to me again and I am left with no hope of friends again. This has happened to me so many times I subconsciously get suspicious when somebody is nice to me. I am involved in school, church, and extracurricular activities. I have tried to get to be friends with all kinds of people, some very different from me (preps) and others very alike me (intellectual computer enthusaists) and nobody will accept me. I see other people with similar intrests to mine having friends and hanging out all the time, but these people will not accept me, nor will anybody else. The only people who will accept me is the drug crowd at school, and that would only be if I started doing drugs. That is not the crowd I want to be involved with. I have tried everything and am tired of having to live this lonely life without friends. It is beginning to devistate my self-esteem. With girls, things are pretty much the same way. They seem to have no interest in me, and if I ask them out, they attack me personally or say that they're busy. They will usually tell me that I am not they're type of guy. Can somebody give me advice on what to do?

 

P.S. I have tried things such as smiling, having a positive attitude, and taking interest in other people's lives and how I could help out.

[cosmic]

WOW THIS IS A TOUGH ONE... why? well because when we feel like we have no friends we also feel like the whole world f'in sucks!! And believe me, everyone feels that way at one point or another! But no matter what you do, please do not get involved with the whole drugs, drinking thing... Don't even smoke cigarettes just to be part of a crowd because honestly that is a sign of real insecurity right there!! Hey you seem like a very well grounded individual but you are lacking some confidence right now. And the whole thing about backstabbing, that is gonna happen to anyone, all the time no matter what. People like to talk, and lie, and be jerks. That is just human nature in a messed up kind of way. What is difficult is rising above all that and being true to yourself, which I think you are doing. Go about your business, and make contact with like-minded people, and just have friendly conversation with them without any expectations of a wonderful friendship emerging because wonderful friendships take time to grow so focus on relaxing around others and give off the attitude that you can take it or leave it and there is NO PRESSURE!! Be a cool cat, enjoy conversations but don't make people feel uncomfortable by standing too close or staring at their face too much - You hear me? Cool, well I hope that helps out, if not, post back and I'll try to help some more!

[Drumson]

hey bw,

I noticed you said you were 18 and going into college. This may be exactly what you are looking for. College is a whole new experience with all new people in which you have never met before. This is also a place where no one knows anything about you. This would be a great place to make friends. But you need to make sure you have confidence. If you have confidence, you can get many friends especially from these new people whom don't know you. I hope things get better for you and college I think may be exactly what you need.

 

hope that helps

 

-Drumson

[thepinkpanther]

it is kinda almost the same problem with me..except people who actt like my friends use me and tell my other friends that they dont really like me....i try really really hard to be nice to everyone and i keep all my mean thoughts inside...even all my not so mean thoughts like how i feel..i dont express that becaue i am afraid people will think i am a bitch...

what should i do?

[Painfullyshy23]

Well thats the way its been for me as well its sort of comforting knowing that theres people out there with the same problem Its kind of being alone as your sorrounded by people

[blowfish]

Sorry to revive old topic, but I feel the same way too...

 

I have very little friends who I really can call my friend, and I mean very little. I thought I had friends but in the end them fakes were playing me all along, they be like all cool with you, but behind close curtains they be talking bad about you... I was called and thought of as "gay" by my group of friends. Since then and all the bull that's happened to me, I realised that I have VERY little friends.

 

At work, I don't know what I do, but I don't feel completely accepted, I'd try to say hi with a friendly tone, but the people just look at me or give me a nod then no one talks and that's that for the whole day.

 

The funny thing is that... when you try to change your ways, they say "you shouldn't change for other people" but your not really changing for other people, your changing for your own good, what they really trying to say IMO is "don't change, I like to say bad things about you."

[asdf]

well when it comes to socializing, i guess the main piece of advice i can give is be confident in yourself, but also make sure you show signs of interest in the person you're socializing in. it's like advertising, you have to show that you're confident in yourself but also that the consumer matters too.

 

that'll get you people to socialize with, although i really have no idea how to turn one into a "true" friend