Any suggestions???

[medtranusa]

Anyone have any suggestions on how I should break off contact with my ex? Should I let him know I think we could have a really good life together but if he wants to just be friends I need time? He was definitely thinking about getting back with me when he thought he and his new flame were going to break up. Now he expects me to be his confessor because he says he has no one to talk to. I was doing really well until he started calling and decided to give her one more try. I tried to break things off but I felt horrible and I did not want him to think I was angry. It was almost like breaking up all over again. If we were to work things out it would be so good. We were together 9 years and hardly ever had a fight. We always got along, we just got bored, and he met her at just the right time. She a deparate woman who comes from the other side of the tracks. He is supporting her and her 2 teenage daughters now. She only works as a breakfast, lunch waitress, and I make almost 40K. He was just so infatuated with her but now he wants to keep me on the side. I have a coffee date this week with someone new so I told him about it. His comment was it might be a married guy looking to fool around. In other words forget about it. I said I think I will because it is something to do. See I'm rambling and babbling. I losing my mind!!

[chrysanthelien]

Hey Med,

 

Should I let him know I think we could have a really good life together but if he wants to just be friends I need time?

 

No way. I think you should just leave it unspoken and say something like,

"Hey John, you know I'm happy for you and Jane. I'm glad that you met someone you're really into. But, I've been doing some thinking, and I don't feel I can be friends with you right now. I still have feelings for you, and I need to move on. Talking to you and seeing you regularly doesn't help me to do that. I know you tell me you don't have anyone to talk to, but of all people you should be talking to your girlfriend, not me. I don't feel the situation is very fair to me. I'm sure you'll understand. Joan."

 

I'd keep it short and simple, and maybe get your things back before you do it, to make it easier on you. Btw, I think his comment about the coffee date being a married guy a totally inappropriate comment. He's jealous because he still wants to be your #1 draft pick, even if you're not his. It's not a positive sign of him being a very good friend to u now is it?

Good luck,

Chris

[Hopingpraying]

I have to agree with Chrys on this one. He is keeping you in the wings just in case his current relationship does not work out. Don't let him do that to you. He has moved on and you should too. If he truly wants to be your friend he will understand why you are doing what your doing. If he reacts selfishly then he is not your friend.

 

Good luck!

[medtranusa]

I have to say nothing he has done to me is what a friend would do. I tried to tell him not to call and broke down on it because he got all upset. He has not been calling though for a few days because she is on her best behavior. I did tell him my life was fine until he called me last week. He said it will get better; I said, no, it was fine the way it was until all this crap. After livng with him for 9 years it was getting comfortable just being on my own, and spending time on myself. That stupid woman does not know how her head is on the choppng block already. He said some pretty rotten things about her to me. Makes me wonder why I care. I am feeling stronger today because I have not spoken to him. My roommate saw him last night at home. He told me got violently ill like he had never seen. He said he ate too much. So now my roommate thinks this gal might be poisoning him! That is the insanity going on here. We all wonder who this woman really is which leads to insane statements like that. I have tried to do background checks on her but keep hitting brick walls. His parents have money so I told them to hire a PI if they are so worried. It is a soap opera and I want to get off.

[sweetharmony]

whoa? hold on there a minute? doing background checks? you need to stop that and trying to get involved in their relationshsip, or he is going to think you are paranoid and insecure. and he may eventually resent you. Even if you did find something- it's going to make him wonder about you. if you are really worried, his parents are worried and so is your roommate, then i maybe you have justification? but what are the facts that lead you to these thoughts? do you really believe she tried to poison him? or do you think you might be creating a fantasy in your head to helps ease the pain of all of this? if you have pure facts, then that's something else. sorry for being harsh about the fantasy thing. but sometimes we creat fanstasy in our heads.

 

i would sever all contact w/ him. he's playing games and trying to have his cake and eat it too. okay, so he's with a girl who he talks nasty stuff about. would you really want to be with a guy like that. he sounds like scum to me. and also, wouldn't you wonder if he talked nasty about you too?

[medtranusa]

No I don't think she is poisoning him but the fact that it was said shows we are all going crazy here. I agree also that I wonder what he said about me too. He dumped me like nothing after 9 years and an engagement about a year before, and was often on the phone with her saying who knows what. The new woman always thinks that the outgoing woman was the problem. Our relationship had it's problems on both sides but we could have worked on it. He took the easy way out and inserted a new woman into his life. Just like in the soap operas, Theresa is now playing the part of Lisa. We had not had much contact before they were possibly going to split so I was not the cause, but I know I was blamed by some of the others sticking their nose in. Yes I will not be accepting his calls anymore, and I agree I have gone too far to the point of obsession with this. Since she moved in this really good neighborhood she has been thrown in jail, and someone has come in their house twice, stealing jewelry and his truck. So there is a some room for concern but I will be stepping back on it now.