Back and Fourth with My Ex..Im Blocking her Out of My Life Forever, Am I doing the right thing?? =*(

[deepermeaning]

(Thread redone, old responses are lost =/*)

 

Me and my ex dated for a year. We have broken up two times before this, once in November and once in January, but our last break up in the beginning of March was a serious one. All the times before this we broke up because she fought with me too much, but this time our relationship crashed because she lost interest, which was really because she started to fall for another guy while she was with me. I was heartbroken and was severely depressed. I started improving in April but I was never 100 percent healed, and not sure if I ever would be.

 

After the break up, we blocked each other from contact until May when I stopped the no contact. I unblocked her trying to just be friends with her, and the feelings came back. We started hanging out again, but every time we did it hurt me because she wasn't mine and when she wasn't with me shed be with other guys. When I spent the day with her I felt as if we were both taken again and it was amazing, but then every time i dropped her off home it felt like we broke up again. It was too much emotional stress on me so I told her we couldn't hang out anymore.

 

In the past month and a half I've allowed her back in my life, and casted her out again about 3 times. I was looking to get back into the relationship again but she wasn't. She said she wanted to be single and live her life but she just wants me around, I can't do that because it hurts me so much. She said in the future she wants to get back with me but for me to stick around with her. I'd tell her no that she needs to pick one and to stop playing both sides of the fence, and she was very sad and confused about it. She shouldn't be confused about if she wants to be with me or not, she picks hooking up with guys and alcohol every night over getting back into the relationship with me. Then she told me she doesn't want to be in the relationship because she wants to have fun during the summer when all of her friends are with guys she wants be too and she said she doesn't wanna do anything dumb or cheat on me. After all of that she still claims to love me.

 

On top of that when we are together we always fight. She will always fight with me over everything and can never understand where I'm coming from, like shes slow or something. If you say something she will just take all the negative out and only hear that and twist it up and escalate it. Shell also start fights and arguments over girls I've been with in the past or when we were broken up. Shell think about me being with them in the past, will become upset and mad and ruin our day together just because of something that happened in the past. She'll come up with the most ridiculous things and crazy reasonings that much of the time don't make any sense what so ever. I don't know whats wrong with her, whether shes immature and needs to grow up, has a disorder, or just lacks self-control. I'm not sure if shell ever change... or even if she needs to?

 

In spite of all of that I still have kept going back to her. If we already have our chemistry back I feel we should be going back out, and it's not good that everything's back for both of us and she still wants to be single. I don't wanna be hurt anymore so I stopped being there on the side and 2 days ago I decided to try again harder and stop the back and forth and put her out of my life forever, this time it is very serious and I feel like I can do it. I'm tired of being depressed and confused all the time, it makes me live my life in agony.

 

Am I doing the right thing? Am I right for blocking her out out of my life for good? Is she wrong for not wanting to be with me or for anything in general? Should I just move on and find someone better because she isn't worth it? What if she's the one for me and me and her should really be together? I'm only 18 years old as of right now and I still have the rest of my life ahead of me and I could be having so much fun single as well as find someone nice.

 

So much emotional stress, so many questions, can someone help me out?

[pushforward]

Our age isn't that far apart. I'm 21 and from your description, you know what you want in a partner, somebody who will be there for you...

 

You're investing too much emotional energy into somebody who isn't committing to you. She's being very selfish for wanting to date around and keep you on the sidelines. You have to realize that you are doing this to yourself and should accept that's her decision, as tough as it may be. She's made her choice and let you know that you are plan B.

 

She has a lot of maturing and growing up to do. She holds your past against you and fight over trivial things. This constant pushing and pulling would tired anyone out. My question to you is, do you think you deserve this type of treatment? If somebody who loves you, would they do this to you?

 

You are in a vicious cycle. Use NC as a tool to let her go and regain your self composure and dignity, maintain your integrity man. In laymen terms, she wants to see what's out there in the world because she doesn't think you are it, but if all else fails, guess whose up in line?

 

There are so many red flags here. She was in a relationship with you and fell for another guy? She goes out every night to hook up and drink? She's either in that phase of her life where she wants to experiment, or she's self destructive.

 

Do yourself a favor, as much as it hurts and sucks right now. Let go. You can't see the big picture at the moment because you are blinded by pain, love and emotional distress.

 

Keep us posted. DO NOT BE WISHY WASHY, EITHER YOU LET GO OR GO BACK AND KEEP GETTING HURT. (there is a slight chance she may change, but that takes a long time.)

[deepermeaning]

Thanks pushforward, your right and I really appreciate your input.

I'm going NC and letting go from here on.

 

Ill make sure to follow with updates on my situation.

 

 

Btw here are responses from the deleted thread

 

Response by Chewy21:

 

"Hey... I'm gonna shorten your name to RS.

 

To me, it sounds like she's just young and wants to enjoy being young. Yeah, it hurts, because you're probably a little mature for your age, and you expect that maturity to be present in her as well. Believe me, I've been on the same side of this that you're on. It's very frustrating to try and explain how you're feeling to someone who completely doesn't get it, or thinks you're crazy for wanting what feels like a fling to them to be long-term.

 

She obviously feels something for you, but at the same time, from how you've described her attitude, she just doesn't feel ready. That's why she's telling you that she wants to be with you later, because she knows anything with you would end up being long-term.

 

Trust me, right now you curse your maturity, but later in life, it will attract more women than it repels. When those guys she wants to play around with right now grow up a bit, they will be where you were several years ago. By then, the girls are going to be looking for a guy who knows what he wants and knows how he feels- and, more importantly, who knows how to express what he feels.

 

With this one, I would say just let her go. Let her be young. If there's something really special there, then it will always be there. Move on for yourself. Like you said, you're young and you could be having the time of your life. Go do it. Learn more about yourself, and about other people as well. Someday when she matures, she'll look back fondly on you and your relationship with her. Maybe even to the point of contacting you again. But for now, just let it go. Let her know that you don't want to hear from her anymore. You can do that in a friendly way, even if you may not be able to make her understand.

 

Good luck. You seem like a really good guy."

 

Response by Lauren.xo

 

"Hello. Sounds like my ex. Stop letting her have her cake and being able to eat it too. Go strong NC. She is much too flakey. I think you should go NC. It will help you heal and also get you off of your emotional rollarcoaster. You have done your part, you have put your effort. Let it go for now. If she comes back, she will have to put in her effort, and a strong one. You aren't helping yourself by being in her life. Start NC. It helps, trust me I no! Goodluck!"

[Elektro]

but then every time i dropped her off home it felt like we broke up again. It was too much emotional stress on me so I told her we couldn't hang out anymore.

 

Wow! i know that feeling and its probably the main reason why i am soooo not ready to consider spending any sort of time with my ex for now...

[deepermeaning]

Yea Elektro its hard.

 

I've gone strong NC and have kept it going for the last two days, I feel like I just keep getting better and better. Although sometimes I'll feel lonely. I don't stress over being with her a lot anymore since it became very clear to me how bad all this is for me and how sad it will continue to make me. Whenever I start to think about her I start telling myself that she will only bring depression and sadness in to my life and it helps. I know though if I were to come face to face with her I'd become very upset again. I'm still a little tiny bit confused but it's not keeping me from staying away from her for right now.

 

I have two questions

 

Should I take her out on June 20th even though we aren't together? That's our anniversary.

 

And also she said she wants to get back with me in a month or two or latest after the summer. I shouldn't get back with her right? I'm pretty positive I shouldn't.

[Elektro]

I have two questions

 

Should I take her out on June 20th even though we aren't together? That's our anniversary.

 

And also she said she wants to get back with me in a month or two or latest after the summer. I shouldn't get back with her right? I'm pretty positive I shouldn't.

 

Im feeling crap this morning too, i have my suspicions that my ex has started seeing someone else, man it hurts... but anyway, im going with your advice that yes indeed thoughts of her get me down and depressed, so she is not worth any of my thoughts.

 

In terms of your questions, especially the 2nd one, would a person who really cares for you deeply have the nerve to specify a time when it suits them to be with you?! NO! I don't think you should give her the pleasure of waiting for her, or at least dont let her know you are waiting!

 

Its all over these boards, that's those magical two letters NC... two little letters that cause so much hardship but essentially lead to a better you. Its hard but let this girl chase you... see what happens if you withdraw completely! You can tell her nicely you are taking a time out now and you dont know for how long or if its forever, if she doesnt respect that then i guess you have your answer as to what type of person she is...

 

boy i wish i could take my own advice!

[gottabelieve]

Uhm, no, you most certainly shouldn't take her out on your anniversary. You should not call to wish her a happy anniversary either. Why celebrate something her selfishness helped to destroy?

 

As everyone has said, go strong NC - let go of her. If in a couple months post-summer she decides she wants you back, you can see where you are at that point and if she's actually genuine and willing to become a better partner in the relationship. And this is the one of the benefits of NC - you get a couple months of time unencumbered from all of her nonsense and get a better perspective on things. I strongly suspect at that point you may see your ex in a different light and won't give her the time of day, but that wll be something for you to decide.

[pushforward]

You two aren't together anymore. What would you be celebrating? Getting together for one night and having it blown up in your face?

 

The question to take her back is up to you. Do you really want to get back with her after all she's put you through? Is that a sign of love? She's making you wait for her own selfish reasons and you're considering it. You gotta look at the obvious truth here.

 

NC sucks but getting back together with somebody who makes you feel low and doesn't consider you 1st pick, isn't exactly a better option.

 

There isn't any rights or wrongs here. Simply ask yourself, are you getting what you deserve? Does this relationship or benefit you? You don't want to learn the same lessons over and over by the same person. There is also a possibility she may change, but you two have a past together. IF there is to be a successful reconciliation you two will have to have grown and moved on. Starting off from a clean slate and not holding the past against each other, although it seems like a better deal for her to be quite honest.

 

She's out partying and drinking for the summer while you pine and cry over her. She wants to be back with you when it's on her time and convenient for her. You're like an accessory to her, you'll only be in season when she needs you to keep herself warm.

[deepermeaning]

Thanks everyone, a new recent thread has been made if you want to check it out or just to help me, its