Feeling back and forth about NC

[ATLstudent]

Basically she texted me after three weeks of nc, not intiated by anyone just happened, after a convoe about me not being able to be causual of just friends, she didnt have it, and argued it. Anyway so I had ended the serious thing even before that, so we werent officially together, and according to her we were friends. Anway I didnt respond to her text of, hey hows it going, and its been two days of me not responding. BUt i am feeling guilt at times, but right at times too,

When i feel guilt , its guilt toward this idealized version of her, of this sweet girl that i wanted to believe was there, my fault for forcing that i guess and not taking her for what she was.

But the girl i broke up with, and the girl that i cannot just be friends with, and the girl that left me hurting most of times, whether she knew it or not, that girl, i dont feel guilt for. I think back at some things, and realize not responding to her text is quite approapriate, and is ok.

but every now and thing just like in the relationship I get that idealized version of her in my head, get some unapproriate guilt about the situation, and want to be nice to this sweet beautiful girl.

Problem is that she not so sweet and nice in reality.

[spidey112]

Keep your head in reality. Many times its that "idealized" version of the other person that keeps us in bad relationships. Its one thing to look past one's faults, as no one is perfect, but its totally different to put up with things we don't deserve to have to put up with because we feel the other person "is nice at times".

[IMAbadman]

Never accept less than what you expect. Initially you may feel good but in the long term you will be 'unfulfilled'.

 

I think you're doing the right thing.

[journeynow]

Yes, the sweet, loving, "idealized" version keeps popping up for me too, and is so hard to let go of. Thanks for stating this so well, spidey.

[Pixiedoc]

*sigh*

 

Yes, when we break up we always remember what is WAS like, although it has no longer been like for a while which is usually the reason we are where we are.

 

Time machines - if only someone would hurry up and invent one that works

 

Sadly it takes us time to get through the passion of the moment, planning to be together for ever and understand that while the soul is willing for a while the practicalities of life and our own personalities may actually become barriers sooner than we think, or want.

 

What you see now is the reality, not what there was. Truly been there a few times and totally understand. Take care.