went on a rampage!

[hairybda]

Ok - upon the advice of countless others... I finally bucked down, and began the no contact rule...

 

This week, the X dropped off a birthday gift, which of course, started me thinking again.... which I probably shouldn't be thinking about..

 

Anyways friday comes and goes, I go out with some beers with some friends, and I start hearing things that she's been upto.

 

I got home, at this time, complely furious as to what I hear, and I sent her sms saying i hate friday nights because i can't spend them with her. Then of course, i tried calling her, and she turned her phone off.

 

Next, everything I was told starts churning gears in my head...

 

I wind up calling one of her friends, and ask him about whether the rumour I have heard is true.. that she has been sleeping with another guy. Yeppers.. plus apparently she has slept with 3 guys in the past 2 years. Unbelieveable! And of course, at this point, I'm just exploding in anger!

 

Next I call her best friend, and ask her why she is doing these things.. apparently she is hurting and this is the way she is dealing with it.

 

I am completely screwed in the head!

 

I also left her about 30000 messages on her phone saying oh I guess you've slept with 3 other guys etc... bad!

 

Anyone have any tips for dealing with these thoughts? We are broken up, but finding out what she has been doing.. I can't believe I was even asking.

[PuzzlingItOut]

Oh sean! I just did the same thing Wed. night! I feel terrible now - I am trying to practice 'forgive yourself, forgive them' but right now - I don't feel very forgiving of myself. Dumping on the ex isn't going to accomplish anything (I thought it was going to make me feel better - get it off my chest) and it certainly isn't going to make them like us.

 

Aren't you glad, though, that you are NOT currently dating her and she's doing that with another guy? You are free! When you start thinking that way - call your friends (NOT hers) and get them to talk to you about it. I'm blunt with mine - I tell them that I want to call and they talk me down. Get online here and vent. Think about the problems that you had with her and how you were unhappy. Do something constructive - if its late at night GO TO SLEEP. I keep a book next to my bed that is SO boring I fall asleep before I can read a page. I keep a letter I wrote nearby that I wrote in my more lucid moments that reminds me that things end and its just the way it is and that this time is normal and will pass.

 

And now that I've found this site, I can reply to others and it helps me to do that too. Don't be so focused on her that YOUR golden opportunity passes you by. Be positive about yourself and the things you want to do.

 

-Pio

[The Morrigan]

If Friday nights get to you and you already know that - see about getting involved in something that will give you firm plans for then AND that you'll feel good about, whether it's joining a team sport or special interest club that has meetings then, signing up for a martial arts class that meets that night, or even making it a SPECIFIC night for something you and your friends can do if there's something you all enjoy in common. Volunteer for something if that's something that interests you - anything that you can walk away with a sense of doing something for you that doesn't specifically depend on other people.

 

You can't control her behaviour or how she chooses to make herself feel more important or significant - but you can control what you do - so see what you can do about making sure you don't fall into the trap she seems to have - get the focus back on yourself and what makes you feel you're getting somewhere.

[hairybda]

next friday, for sure i am not doing what i did this past friday.

 

I think they have friday night yoga, happy hour yoga.. I'll find out this week.

 

Still now, I feel like calling her and appoligizing. I can't believe I just wrote that after all the stuff she has done to me.

 

When I spoke to her friend that night, her friend did say, from time to time you have setbacks. I guess this was one!!!

 

Its nice to hear at least one other person did the same thing I did...