A strange situation

[TheBigWallbanger]

Ok, first post. This has been bothering me a while now and I've been reading the posts here and it's gotten annoying enough for me to post about so here goes...

 

Basically, short story is: I was dating a girl for a year and a half, the last bit was long distance. I think everything's fine, she comes to visit for two weeks and things are great (she's saying "I love you" and the whole nine yards) and after she leaves I found out she was cheating on me with a guy where she's living for the few weeks before she visited thanks to some evidence she left on my computer. I confront her, break up with her (not much chance of working it out over distance). That was two and a half weeks ago.

 

I've contacted her a few times since with text messages, kept it civil and nice - she's been very cooperative about sending stuff back, seems to want to keep in touch, I told her I forgave her and all that stuff. This is all no good and hard to handle for me, but I haven't broken down or called her (aside from the night I found out).

 

What bothers me about this whole thing is that she seemed very upset by the fact that we were breaking up, but now she's with this other guy all the time (I still talk to her roommates). All the time. How can somebody get serious about a relationship two weeks after ending one with someone they claim to love? I expected crying, apologies, something but not this complete indifference. I guess I should have taken it as a warning when we started going out three weeks after her previous boyfriend (3 and a half years).

 

I don't know if I want her back, maybe I do but I'm not sure. I have no idea what to do, is my ex just plain evil? I don't think I can accept that, but the whole thing is just so heartless.

[Hopingpraying]

Wall,

 

You will never understand it.. It happens is all I can say. I have been with my wife for ten years and all of a sudden she starts having an affair and my life gets turned upside down. You will never know why they do it, but both women and men do it. Just be glad you found out now instead of years later.

 

She may realize the mistake she has made and come back to you, but then you will have to decide whether you can ever trust her again. I expect at some point my wife to do the same and I will have to make that same decision. I don't know what will happen..

 

Isn't life grand??? Makes me wonder why anyone ever gets in a relationship.

[TheBigWallbanger]

Isn't life grand??? Makes me wonder why anyone ever gets in a relationship.

You and me both. Gotta wonder when everything seems perfect, no fighting, no problems and you get hit with something like this. I think it has something to do with a type of person that just doesn't say anything when they've got a problem too.

[littlefeet]

hey Wallbanger

 

You just said it. . . I agree it may have everything to do with the sort of people who don't talk about their problems when the problems are small, who act as though things are fine when they are not, and then suddenly, one can only imagine that they feel "you" haven't been understanding them. . . and they move on, only to do the same thing once again.

 

You seem to be a very tolerant person and have handled what must be immense frustration very well. You've been decent to your ex, and that's really all one can expect, under the circumstances.

 

Now you should look after yourself. Keep in mind that the people who really love you are the ones who show they do, not necessarily the ones who say it.

 

chin up. . . .

[TheBigWallbanger]

Keep in mind that the people who really love you are the ones who show they do, not necessarily the ones who say it.

 

chin up. . . .

Thanks for the support, you're completely right. To me it just seems like the person I thought she was would never do something like that, so I'm still kind of trying to figure out how I managed to get so duped. I thought she was just a shy, quiet, sheep of a girl and in reality she's quite heartless. Oh well, another lesson for the books.

[littlefeet]

happens to the best of us. . . but remember to look after yourself and do what you need to to be happy, for now.