I was a doormat, now I'm angry

[lfshadow]

How does someone correct the mistake of being a doormat?

I am in a relationship with a man (for 12 yrs) and found that he was lying to me about a female friend for about a year now. All along I knew something wasn't right. I listened to his excuses, knew they were B.S., but let him get away with it. I lied to myself because I didn't want to deal with the truth. So, he naturally repeated this violation several times.

 

Although I believe he is no longer seeing her (for now anyway), I am angry at him and at myself for allowing it to happen. I don't think he has as much respect for me anymore. I want to regain his respect and regain my own, as well as let him know that I will not tolerate this behavior and lying again. I almost wish he would tell me a big whopping lie so I could just prove to him and myself that I won't tolerate it anymore. But if that were to happen, the only other method of showing him I mean what I say this time, would be to ask him to leave and I don't think he would try to come back. ( I think he knows I have hit my limit this time)

 

Should I just try to forget what has happened in the past? If so, how do I get rid of these angry feelings towards him for taking advantage of me and the angry feelings towards myself for allowing it to happen? I just feel like I need to do something. That I can't just ignore what happened and pretend everything is just fine and I'm happy - because I'm not.

Thanks,

Linda F.

(the angry, humiliated doormat)

 

 

[Xandra]

You should not tolerate being lied to and cheated on. There is NO excuse for that type of behaviour repeating - one time can usually be worked out, but several? Don't even give him a chance to let it happen again, and trust me, it will. Any person who will cheat several times on their spouse will either move on to another person and continue the same type of behaviour, or if they are allowed by their spouse, will continue with that person. Men/ women who cheat constantly do it because THEY KNOW THEY CAN. You said he has no respect for you anymore. Why? That makes NO sense to me ... if I felt like I wasn't being respected, I would be out of that relationship faster than anything.

 

If you let this man get away with flagrant and continual infidelity, he WILL continue to do it.

[Princess777]

I agree, kick him to the curb. He will respect you more for dumping him than if you were to do anything else. He deserves it and he knows it. The reason why he doesn't respect YOU is because you don't demand respect...... remember, we teach people how to treat us. We allow people to treat us the way we do. And why would you CARE about earning HIS respect..... go out with your newfound self respect and find somebody worth giving your feelings to..... don't waste any more time on this fool.

[woobiegirl]

We've all felt like a doormat at one time! The key is what you are doing now...recognizing it, admiting it and dealing with it. Good for you!! I, like you, had a relationship with someone for 9 years. During that time I covered up red flags, uneasy feelings and didn't say things that were on my mind because I didn't want to "stir up the water". I was the giver, but after awhile you become drained and it's not a well-balanced relationship. No relationship should include cheating or lying. It's just too difficult to overcome emotionally!

 

Hold your head up, be proud and find someone who will treat you with love and respect and make you feel like the most special person on earth. After 4 challenging years of being on my own, I've met someone that I can talk with endlessly about eveything and he makes me feel like the most loved women in the world. I'm so glad I waited for this special person.

 

I hope you find yours...

Best wishes....

 

Woobiegirl