I'm 18 and she is 15

[Aulife]

I am going out with a girl that is 3 years younger than me. One day before the bell rang for class, she told me that she had something to tell me. Past (read bad) experiences told me that this was something serious (ie a breakup). I am not the kind of guy that recovers fully from a relationship, thats why I never had that many girlfriends. The rejection and breakups were always hard on me, like the girl would take a part of my heart. You know what i mean i guess.

 

Anyways, she said she couldnt tell me around so many people so i decided to bite the bullet and pull her over to a secluded part of the hall. She began with the phrase i was dreading: "Justin, its about us being together." I was already preparing myself to begin the process of a breakup recovery. But i tried something different than i would normally do. She said that she was concerned about how fast we were going and she wondered if we could just be friends. I agreed that I was kind of going pretty fast. That sort of surprised her, so we were friends (for that part of the day at least.)

 

I was depressed for a good part of the day. Then lunch came around. We sat together like we always do and I didn't really talk. I could tell she was really feeling bad and I didn't want to hurt her at all. That's just not my way. So I leaned over and whispered into her ear. "Jessica, I am really sorry for going so fast. I feel like a jerk for making you go through this." I want to put into perspective that we have been kissing each other before she told me we were going fast. Not really long kisses, sort of like pecks on the lips. She is the only girl I have ever kissed and I am the only guy she has ever kissed. I told her this and that made her feel a lot better. Back to the whisper... I then asked her this, "Could we still be going out but a lot slower. I'll only go at the speed you are comfortable with." She nodded her head and said she was happy being with me and that she was sorry for doing that friends thing earlier.

 

Have I done the right thing? I don't want to push her far away from me, but I don't want to scare or hurt her. I sort of have a more serious outlook on any relationship I am in. That is probably why I get hurt more than the average person would. I want this relationship to last forever basically. I know that is rather optimistic and not many relationships last that long. I am considering telling her this soon, but I am trying to figure out how to say it. I don't want to scare her.

 

I know many self proclaimed adults would just shake their heads and tell me I don't know what love is. She is too young for me. All that kind of bilge. From my observations, I don't think anybody really knows what love is. I say love is what you make of it. I love Jessica in my own fashion because I am not like somebody else. Her being 15 isn't really that much of a problem for me because I am not with her for sex. She certainly is attractive but... I want companionship. I think some people can relate. I guess I don't think like the other guys. I am fine with that. But I am unsure how to relay these feelings to her. I should probably get to know her parents, so they know I am here. I am very comfortable around her. That usually isn't the case when I am around a girl.

 

Sorry for such a long post but as you can tell I am kind of confused on what to do. Do you suggest anything for our current situation? Thanks for listening to me.

 

Edit:

Oh I almost forgot. The reason i posted this in age gap relationships is one nagging question: Is it weird for an 18 year old to like a 15 year old? I don't think it's terribly weird but the US has some pretty whacked out social psychology. Aparently the government likes to think it can also control the human biology...

[Slagar]

You are not alone!

Liking a 15 year old is not weird at all... I am also 18, and have recently got into a relationship with a 15 year old... she is turning 16 soon, but only a few months on I'll be 19, sooo... it's nothing to worry about. As you both get older, the age gap becomes less important... for example, no one would care about a 21 year old going out with an 18 year old... or a 23 year old and a 20 year old.

Age is merely a number!

 

I can understand her worrying a little that you might be going slightly too fast... I don't think what you did was a bad thing at all. You let her know how you felt, and she understood. I can also see your concern over what you said too, wondering whether you did a bad thing... but it sounds as though you're in the clear.

 

I know you feel strongly for her, and you want the relationship to last forever (don't we all?) but I think telling her this would be bad. I think just go with the flow, and be companions for now, and she'll let you know when she's ready to progress further.

Letting her know that you are just after companionship could be good, but personally I think you should just leave things as is, forget about it, and just take things slower... because the more you make an issue out of it, the more of an issue it will become.

 

Also, that stuff about "not knowing what love is" etc, is exactly like you said... just bilge

 

That's my advice at least. I hope things work out for you; good luck!

[Aulife]

I see. Thank you for your insightful help Slagar.

[Fisch]

Hey Aulife,

When i hear your words, i hear my own. I can tell that we are similar in many respects. I take relationships seriously as well (because i love relationships with absolute trust), not to mention my definition of love is rather flexible, and i let myself love very easily. I am also 18, and i would say that many people do not have the same confidence that we do, so i have always found that it is a better decision to lay off the i want us to be forever together line, if you are unsure of the other persons feelings. A healthy part of relationships is that both sides have at least similar degrees of love for eachother for a relationship to work, but for some, it takes time. Not like me, i tend to love people for jsut being who they are, which often gets me in hurtful situations, but i dont regret a second of it!! Good luck!

Your Pal -Fisch