How to correct a bad impression I left on a guy who liked me

[kateyh]

I am from a women's college and am taking an Econ class in a co-ed college nearby. There is a guy in the class whom I like and know he liked me. He showed many signs he was interested (always sitting near me, raising his voice when I was around, always leaving the class right after me...) But he was shy and didn't strike a conversation with me.

 

When I made a move and sat beside him, he was apparently awed and talked to me on the way out. After exchanging some basic information (major, class year, school I am from), he asked me what made me decide to take this class here. I was not thinking (guess I was too confident), so I gave the most stupid answer.

 

I said "Well, I have finished all my 300-level classes. This class is like a 200-level, so it's easier." He smiled and opened the door for me, but didn't say anything to me until we parted. He just acted as if he didn't know me. This answer must have terribly disappointed him.

 

I know it's a very stupid answer, since it would make him think that I am not interested in either his college or this class and only take it because it's easier(i.e. I am a big loser). Since his college is prestigious (more so than mine), and the class is apparently not easy, maybe it made him think I am arrogant too.

 

I actually decided to take the class coz it's taught by a visiting professor from Oxford University, and Oxford is famous in this field. My college offers this course too, but it's a 300-level seminar in my school. I am taking two other 300-levels already and didn't want to overburden myself. But how a stupid answer I gave!

 

The next class is midterm. He could have sat beside me or right in front of me, but he didn't. When the exam ended, he wasn't paying attention to me and was just talking with people around. I felt hurt and left immediately. When I was waiting at the bus stop, I saw him coming in my direction and stood in his view. But he either didn't see me, or didn't care.

 

Now what can I do to correct the bad impression I left him? Do I sit beside him next time or catch him on the way out, and tell him my answer was stupid and it was not what I meant? And what should I say? Since we don't know each other's names yet, do you think it will be appropriate to just stop him and say that? But even if I can't get him to like me again, I don't want him to think I am a loser!

 

Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated!

 

Confused and regretting Kate

[kateyh]

And what do you think about my answer? Is it really very bad or is he just being overly sensitive? I wouldn't think anybody from my college would dislike me because of this answer.

 

He is active in class and acts quite outgoing with his classmates. Before I sat beside him, he always kept a short distance (sitting a seat away from me, following me with a 10-feet distance...) I knew he wouldn't make the first move, so that's why I helped him by sitting next to him. But now that we've talked, I don't think he has reason to remain shy. Do you think he would have done all these things if he is taken?

 

Waiting for response... Your opinion will be highly valued!!!!

[cochise]

Hi Kate

 

Quit beating yourself up about your answer. I can see how it's possible that your answer may have been taken as being arrogant, but really I think it's a stretch. Anyway, it's really not important because what's done is done. Forget that it ever happened and quit waiting for him to make the first move and talk to you. Maybe he thought you weren't interested, so he started to lay off a little. It's been my experience that some guys, when they perceive that a girl is not being very responsive, will turn around completely and begin to give you a cold shoulder. I am pretty sure that if you made a move, his behavior would change back to what it was. I'm no expert, but this has worked for me in the past. By making a move I mean, YOU go sit next to him again (don't wait for him to do it) and give him a big friendly hello. Initiate conversation about anything and SMILE, SMILE, SMILE. After some small talk, maybe you could even comment on how much you like the visiting professor and how much more you've enjoyed this class compared to some at your own university. If you rather not revisit that subject again, there are a hundred other things you could talk about. Just be yourself, and don't try hard or he will know it. Like I said before, you've got to forget about that incident. Please, whatever you do, DON'T apologize for what you said. You don't even know if that has anything to do with his change in behavior, and it also looks like you're trying too hard to make him like you! Don't have the mindset of "I've got to impress this guy" or "I can't say anything stupid". Don't go in the class thinking you have to redeem yourself. Wipe the slate clean. In your mind, assume this guy already really likes you and is a friend and act like you would in that situation as best as you can.

 

I wish you luck! Let us know how things turn out.

[kateyh]

Thank you cochise You gave me really great advice!

 

He sometimes pissed me off coz he used to keep some distance, and seemed not confident enough to approach me. He didn't give out clear signals until another guy sat by me. He probably felt threatened, so he came early the next time and sat right behind me. I did notice a pattern that he shows interest-> he backs off->I give him an encouraging signal

->he shows interest again. I am just wondering why he cannot be more assertive. I thought it was good we finally had a conversation and expected him to approach me more naturally.

 

I will do as you suggest and see how he reacts next time. I just don't understand why he has to back off often.

[kateyh]

Any more suggestions and thoughts? Guys' opinions on why he acts like that? Ladies' opinions on what I should do? I value your input!!!!!