Working on our relationship, need tips

[X ShadowDreamz X]

My ex and I are starting to work on our relationship again. I'm pretty sure he has something for me still and I still like him a lot. Anyways, now we are talking more because we both broke off our other relationships (on the same day..how ironic). The reason we broke up in the first place was because we didn't talk to eachother. I need some advice and tips on how to carry on conversations with him. If we could talk to eachother I'm almost positive he'd ask me out again.

[rich_1517]

Thats great!

 

my suggestions are about giving and recieving feedback, but first about telling the truth no matter how hard.

 

i dont mean painful truths like "your ugly"

 

I mean truths like "it hurts when you look at other women". vulnerability is hard to express, its also important that its mature as well. sometimes we bottle things up so tight they come out petulant or needy. i would look there first before saying something. a good rule of thumb is "how would i react if he said this to me?"

 

there are great books out there about communication in relationship i would get one.

 

On giving feedback i have found this works really well. I dont tell someone who they are, or why they do things, no one ever responds well to "you just say that because youre......."

 

its best i have found to say:

 

"when you look at other women" 1. observation

"i think you are interested in them" 2. perception

"it makes me feel like you dont find me attractive" 3. feelings

"i need to know you find me attractive" 4. need

 

its all about need in the end for people, that example may not fit but the formula works for anything. it brings compasion instead of reaction into the other persons response to your feedback.

 

on receiving feedback i suggest letting the other person say what they need to, without interrupting or reacting. this is very hard for anyone. but most arguments start becuase no one can say what they mean. its more about listening then hearing.

 

hope it helps, i still relearn this stuff. while i was writing i had an argument with my roomate then i slowed it down and did pretty much what i said above. it works.