Help w/ Mixed Signals

[effreyj007]

First let me give some background info. I first became intrested in this girl at work she was my boss. i told her how i felt. she said she didnt feel comfortable dating people from work. after that it seemed we became closr and a friendship grew. my feelings only got stronger, but i never mentioned it again. a few months later i left that job for two reasons. 1 a better opprtunity, and it her. somehow i thought if i left then i could date her. we went on a trip to cancun as "friends" and nothing really happened besides some hardcore teasing on her end. now during all of this she has had a boyfriend. shortly after cancun he got caught cheating and it really messed her up. so much that we didnt talk for almost 2 months. some mutual friends of ours got us together at a club about 5 weeks ago and it seems like we have been inseprable since then. we speen the weekends together email while at work or on the phone. no im younger than her by 4 years and she is completely finished with school whlie i have two years let to complete my masters. we have talked about dating and taking it to the next level as we have never done more than the kiddy stuff. holding hand ect. she says that she needs someone who is ready to start their life and cant wait for someone to catch up to her. she makes excuses to a mutual friend when the talk about us and then when its just her and i things a cool. i know shes likes me but it seems she talks out of both sides of her mouth.

[Xandra]

It sounds like she's a woman who is sick of playing games, to be quite honest. You seem to think that she is playing games with you, but I really feel that it may be just the opposite for her. If she's 27, then she's probably looking for someone who she feels is secure and comfortable with their life. If she was hurt in a previous relationship, WATCH OUT. If she doesn't have enough time to heal and build up her self-esteem again, there can be no telling of how things would go with the two of you.

 

When someone - especially women, women are always less trusting - is betrayed in a relationship by someone they thought they could trust, it is like a scar that can't be erased, no matter HOW hard we try. It sticks. If she's telling you that she needs to be with someone who is "ready to settle down and start their life", then she means it. She's tired of playing around and playing games with people, and right now she's probably not going to trust anyone until they give her a reason to.

 

If you want to be with this woman, it's probably best if you give her some space and time to realize herself and what she wants again. Let her know (only if you truly mean it) that you will be there whenever she's ready to try loving again. Explain that you ARE ready for a serious relationship, and that you are not into game-playing or anything of the sort, it's what she needs to hear right now.

[effreyj007]

I also wanted to add that there are times when she gives me clues and signals like she wants to take it to the next level and times it just the opposite. For example when we are alone it seems to me like she is into me and things could go further and when she talks to mutual friends she gives out the opposite signs. almost like talking out both sides of her mouth. Thanks for any advice....

[GTP]

Man I am in the same postition as you. We've just done the kiddy stuff like holding hands etc. She still has a BF (but does not tell me yet but have heard through the Great Vine) but she seems like she is totally into me giving me all the signs and we hang out a couple times a week. Except I'm in another bind I guess because we met through a me being an employee and her being one of my customers. I'm at the point where I guess I'm just going to go for the kiss and see what happens. If its rejection I guess I'll just move and I'm thinking you maybe should do the same