i did something terrible, i need help please

[ustam67]

i am really

looking for a friend with some guidance and help as i

have been in a terrible rut for quite some time and i

dont know how to get out of it.

 

i am just going to be very open: my girlfriend is

somewhat willing to let me take naked photos of her.

this really is exciting to me... and over a year or so

i have built up quite an archive. for some reason, i

dont know why, i would go into chat rooms, pretending

to be a girl and send the pictures to random men, in

exchange for them sending a picture/movie back of them

masterbating to it. i made sure to crop the photo so

you could only see genitals, and definitely not her

"identity" if you want to call it that... i did this a

few times and i felt really sick afterword. so

eventually i stopped.

 

my guilty mind started to accumulate behind me and

eventually i had to tell her to easy my mind somewhat.

what i told her was a minimal version of the truth. i

said that i had pretended to be a girl in a chatroom

just fooling around and that i had sent a picture of

her butt (where you could kind of see her privates) to

one individual. she was upset, but when she saw how

devastated i was by my mistake, she forgave me.

 

2 months have gone by, i've lost 20 pounds due to

depression and i havent really been able to forgive

myself. i take full responsibility for my actions and

i have prayed to everyone for forgiveness and i KNOW i

could never do this again.

 

how can i feel better about myself? am i a totally

deranged individual. i really feel like i love my

girlfriend more than anything in the world, and i dont

know how i could have ever done something so horrible.

 

thanks for any help/advice in advance.

[Tinkerbell]

I believe in brutal honesty so I'm just gonna come out and say this: I think you're SICK. What you did is disgusting and wrong, and you have to tell your girlfriend the whole truth...Why did you even WANT to see pics of videos of men masturbating? Are you bi?

 

Really, I don't know what advice I can possibly give you.. You need some serious help.

[VickiRose]

Dude, seriously you made a mistake, and you realized it... I don't think that your sick... If you were then you wouldn't have any guilt.... Ignore the inconsiderate post above... Everybody makes some kind of a mistake throughout their lifetime... Whether its from curiosity or not... It's human nature... I hope that you can take this as a learning experience, and NOT do it again...

[Xandra]

You can't possibly love this girl. She TRUSTED YOU with something more special and intimate than anything she could have possibly shared. I'm sorry but I think you need to seek some professional help for this act.

 

The light that I see at the end of the tunnel for you is that you DO seem to feel bad and regret what you've done. That does show that you do still have a conscience and are aware that you have a mental illness. Taking pictures of random women naked on porn sites already and cropping the genetalia to do what you did is still disturbing, but a hell of a lot less than the idea that you have done this to your own girlfriend.

 

How can you EVER have a normal relationship with this girl ever again until you get some help? If I were her I would never trust you again, and despite you confessing what you've done she's never going to completely again.

[JSHRN]

I have to add my 2 cents here. Although you thought what you were doing was "okay" it really wasn't - okay?

 

Seriously, you violated your girlfriend and her trust by doing this. I do appreciate the fact that you realize that what you did was wrong, but the fact remains that you shattered a very important part of your relationship with her.

 

Why did you tell her a "minimal version of the truth"? How "devastated" have you been by your actions? I don't know how horrible you really feel and am surprised that your girlfriend forgave you! Do you really know that you'll never do this again? Does your girlfriend really believe that?

 

I won't say that you're a deranged individual. Obviously, you had a reason for doing what you did. But, if you really wanted to masturbate to pictures of a stranger, why not just buy a Playboy and have at it. Or, buy a trial membership to the millions of porn sites on the Net. Is it really worth risking a relationship with someone that you supposedly love?

 

I'm sorry to be brutally honest with you.

 

JSHRN

[woopsydaisy]

ok dude you made a big mistake whatever your motivations were for sending the pictures off for guys etc i dont know??...and i dont want to know!!...the thing is you realise you made a big mistake and you owned up to it some what...and now your suffering from your actions which are obviously not nice etc...If i were you i would just try and learn from your mistakes and try not to dwell on it ...it seems to me you have dwelt on it enougth..and you have paid the price.Turn the page and try and be at peace with yourself and be honest with your girlfriend.

 

One other thing i think the replies you got were very harsh indeed it takes alot of bottle to admit to mistakes...and you admit what you did was wrong.I carnt seem to figure out how some of those replies were helpfull in anyway..after all isnt this site about being constructive and helpfull to people...hmmm....obviously not!!

[TheMarxistReloaded]

I think I'm sick! Noone will answer my topic about my Long Distance, and this guy has problems...I wouldnt take or give nude pictures, out of modesty in the first place, but what you did was really...sickeningly odd in the least. The more I hear about things like this, the more I really get sick...

[The Captain]

I feel really sorry for you. I would get some professional help, a counseller could help you to feel better about yourself. Agood thing is that you feel bad for yourself. I would seek professional help.