I really need some help, this was my FIRST LOVE

[dragomirescu]

Hello to everyone in this forum. You've been very helpful to me and I hope someone will give some advice from now on too.

 

My name is Dragos I live in Romania and I am 22. Here's my hearbreaking story.

 

I had a 1 and 1/2 year relationship with this girl who was 3 years younger than me. At first everything was perfect, I loved her very much, we had some ups and downs but in general things were fine.

We were in different cities but we were seeing each other every week. We agreed that at the end of the year she should take the university entrance exam and come in the same city as mine. We had a lot of hopes and dreams, we even planned to eventually get married.

 

But at the end of the year something came up in the relationship. She didn't pass the exam, and the only solution left for her was to go for a semester in another city (still close to mine) and then try to transfer.

Anyway, we accepted the situation but something changed for me. I wasn't very confident that things will work out and I think I started to neglect her.

 

The things got even worse. We started the university (each of us in his/her town), but for me it was even harder to keep things like in the beginning. I was in my last year, I had to finish the university and I started to concentrate more on my studies. I also had a part-time job as a translator for a publishing house. But we were still seeing each other, we still cared for each other and made love.

 

What I mean is not that I stopped loving her, but I concentrated more on what I had to do with my life. But she took this as a neglection, and on our last conversation she decided to break up the relationship. She said I'm not anymore the person I used to be, she doesn't feel the same way, and that now she has her own life there and it's better to break up.

She also insisted that it was ALL my fault, that if i hadn't neglected her things wouldn't have been this way. I tried to explain her that I still love her, that she should understand my situation. She said she doesn't want that anymore, she got tired trying to make me see the truth.

 

I have to mention that this conversation was on the phone, so when we spoke I got really mad, and I hate to admit it, but even when things got so bad I continued making mistakes. When I saw how cold she was I started to say some bad things to her, and even after I hang up I sent her some messages telling some 'good' things about her character.

 

After a few days I went home and I accidentally met her. I apologized for what I said, and although I was tormented by the situation, I tried to stay calm and decided to break up as friends. She agreed, this being the last time I saw her.

 

But the next day I started to have a lots of regrets, and whatifs and etc..So I continued making the stupidest mistake I could have made. I sent her an email telling how much I miss her, and how would I change if we get back. She sent me a reply saying that is too late now and each one shold go on with his life.

 

I was devastated, full of remorse and didn't know what to do. I admit I made mistakes, during and after the relationship ended. But now I try to go on with my life and it feels like I'm going to die. It's been a week since out last contact, I read a lot about the No Contact rule, and I'm sure it's the best thing to do right now (If only I had then some of that knowledge!!!).

 

But in Romanian we have a saying "HOPE DIES LAST!". I still love her very much, and although I am aware that we won't get back, I cannot stop thinking about us being together again.

 

I read a lot of articles on the Internet about breakups and how to handle them, but I read only general things, I think you know that feeling that your relationship was unique and there must be a certain way to get back to you ex.

 

Please give me some advice, or share with me any eperience that resembles mine. Should I go on with my life or should I hope sometimes she'll come back? If she does, what is the usual amount of time when girls come back?

 

I want to mention that for both of us this was the "first love", (she was also virgin).

 

Please help me!

[dumpit]

I can associate with a lot of what you say because a year ago exactly i had met a boy who I just bonded with. Although nothing physical happened between us I still feel for him much as I did then, except that I haven't spoken to him for about 8 months. I still see him at college occasionaly but we don't speak, he has his friends and I have mine.

Well they say that absense makes the heart grow fonder and suppose thats true in a way. I do still love him, but I miss him so much that now i;m getting fed up with missing him and hope has died. Anyway, what you should know is that if this girl means as much to you as this boy did to me then you don't want to be where I am now, I'm so confused and it really hurts that I lost someone who was so special to me.

I totally understand what you mean when you say that you've looked on the Internet but that only gives general information, and I agree with you even more that some relationships are unique and problems can't be solved with general information. Thats exactly how I feel and although its bad that no one can help me because they don't know how I feel, and I can't explain it, it is good that you have something special.

If I could relive this year I wouldn't do a lot of things that I did, but I would make sure that I told this boy what he means to me, because I never did that. I regret that so much.

Maybe you could try telling your girl how much she means to you, and how you didn't mean what you said. If she gets angry with you, try to hold it in and don't just hurl more abuse at her, this will convince her that you are a loser that isn't worth her love or time. She probably won't want to be in a relationship with you for a while, and you have to accpet this, by getting annoyed with her and then texting her with nice suff you have probably really confused her and you should explain to her what you meant and why you did what you did.

Don't do what I did, don't let it be this time next year that you are sitting at the computer giving someone advice about losing someone they love. Its horrible.