Nearly 3 months and my ex has a new GF...really hurts

[londongirl31]

Me and my BF of 6 years broke up in the last week of October (08), it was more to do with the fact that we wanted different things and I still love him. It was really hard breaking up just before Christmas, especially as New year was when we first met.

 

He came round to my flat after 2 1/2 months of NC (so hard) to pick up the rest of his stuff. I was so nervous and tried to gain strength, I knew we couldn't go back but I miss him so much he was my best friend. He seemed different and told me he'd met someone else, she's younger, so I guess she's not wanting commitment right now (that was the reasons for our break up).

 

It really hurt and I tried to seem happy but I felt like I had been run over but a London bus! I know we want different things and we can't get back, as we tried so hard but Jeeze this pain is so hard, not only am I getting over not having him in my life I am constantly thinking what is she like.

 

I don't want to obsess, I just wish he'd never told me. I didn't think it happen this soon. I just feel like he doesn't care and I have wasted all those years. I didn't see this coming, feeling so sad and discarded.

[mcchops380]

Well all I can say is that it will get better. You just have to look forward and not back. My ex g/f had a new b/f less than a week after we stopped talking. I was completely shocked and destroyed but I realize that it is only my thoughts that are making me unhappy and that is the one thing in this life that each and everyone of us has control over. Control your thoughts and you control alot of your life. I mean you said so yourself how you "can't get back" and everything so focus on all the things you disliked about this guy. Erase his number, his text messages. Take down all the pictures you have of hiim or anything that reminds you off him and put them away until a time when you are able to look at them and smile because of what you learned.

[londongirl31]

I know and I have but I can't stop thinking about her, I know I will over time. I am just scared of becoming bitter and thinking what if he settles with her? Silly stupid things that pop into my head. I know that it is a waste of time and I guess it's puts the nail in the coffin as he's moved on. I hate to admit this and this is the first time, I was deep down stupidly hoping he'd see the light and realise what he had. I think it's the last shred of hope gone.

Thank you for replying, I am going to start a list of reasons why we weren't working just to remind myself why it came to an end. It seems to be a popular healing technique. I just don't want to contact him or snoop to feed my curiosity.

 

The annoying thing is, I was doing ok until he told me this now I feel like we just broke up yesterday, It really cruel.

[mcchops380]

Well he did it to get a rise out of you and it looks like it worked. Just don't let him know it bothered you and try not too snoop but I am sure you will like everyone else. haha. You know that you two wouldn't work so just realize that you are just lonely and it is more than likely not him you miss but just having someone around. Me and my ex were horrible together but for some reason I find myself missing her even though I was miserable for the last 6 months we were together. I miss her because I have put her on a pedestal were she doesn't deserve to be. I miss the thought of her not her and I would bet the farm that if we got together we would be broken up again within 2-3 months after the new wears off.

[londongirl31]

Well he did it to get a rise out of you and it looks like it worked. Just don't let him know it bothered you and try not too snoop but I am sure you will like everyone else. haha. You know that you two wouldn't work so just realize that you are just lonely and it is more than likely not him you miss but just having someone around. Me and my ex were horrible together but for some reason I find myself missing her even though I was miserable for the last 6 months we were together. I miss her because I have put her on a pedestal were she doesn't deserve to be. I miss the thought of her not her and I would bet the farm that if we got together we would be broken up again within 2-3 months after the new wears off.

A few people have said that he did it just get at me, well it worked! It has clouded all the logic I had built up, you know, all that "It's for the best". I won't snoop I promise, I have taken him off facebook, god I sound childish! lol

 

I have to remember that even if he had come round and said he missed me I still don't think we were right together. You are 100 % right its all about being lonely, I think it's christmas and New year as you naturally assess your life and what you're doing.

 

Our problems will still be there, Good luck to her, I hope she doesn't expect much, she'll be disappointed.......see bitter already ha ha! Thanks, actually smiled then =0)

[mcchops380]

Sorry I didn't respond sooner...in a meeting for the last couple hours. Let her be disappointed. Who cares. She or him are no longer your problems so try to free yourself from the thoughts. Much easier said than done, I know. Just realize that there are better days ahead. I know you may not think that right now but there will be. And I still on occasion look up my ex on Myspace or what not too see if she has any new pics of her up. I do it when I am working out so I can look down at her and take all the anger and frusturation out on the weights. Hopefully you have plenty of friends that you can surround yourself with. I am a very lucky individual in terms of friends because I have about 15-20 people that I would consider good friends,actually family because we have all been there for each other for the past 15 years. This caused a lot of problems with me and my ex because she thought I put them first. That is neither here nor there now though. Go out and even if you have to fake a smile at first, do it, because eventually a real and true smile will pop up.