tying myself into a knot

[Gabo]

My girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. We parted on good terms. Although she dumped me, I consider myself to be at fault - for not letting her know I cared, and for coming accross as if the only thing important in my life is my job. She (perhaps selfishly) kept the door open, but we decided we wouldn't be "friends."

 

I went 1.5 weeks not talking to her the first time, almost 3 weeks the other time. Other than that, about every week or so I have had a light IM conversation with her. I called her once to let her know that I was trying to quit my job - this was a more serious conversation, but no discussion of the relationship other than me saying that I realized "spending time with her and doing [x][y][z] were what made me happy, not working all weekend" and also thanking her for being blunt with me that I had my priorities out of whack.

 

She is not initiating any contact with me, but on the other hand is responsive - i.e. she follows up on things that are going on in my life, lets me know what is up with her, seems to encourage me contacting her.

 

My problem is this: I want to do everything to preserve the possibility of this happening in the future. I have made some huge strides in my life, but am still a work in progress. My job situation is completely up in the air and given this market I probably won't be able to get another job until the spring (she knows this - her on our phone convo: "Even if it doesn't work out, you realized what is important and the light is at the end of the tunnel."). My job is very high stress at the moment - I went to a movie on Friday with my family, and had to spend half of it replying to emails on my blackberry.

 

I am tying myself into knots as to whether the better idea is to back off further until my life sorts itself out, or if this "LC" is a good way of both showing her the progress I am making and letting her know that I really do care about her. Unfortunately, I have to admit to myself that it does take a little bit of an additional emotional toll on me.

 

When I talked to her on the phone, I mentioned maybe getting together after New Years. I don't know if this is the right thing to do. I think I need to follow up with it at this point, but would look to anybody for advice on this, or contacting her generally.

[sodizzy]

My job is very high stress at the moment - I went to a movie on Friday with my family, and had to spend half of it replying to emails on my blackberry.

 

 

 

First off, don't reply to emails at the movies on a BB- it annoys other people in the movie

 

Secondly, it's hard to say on this one. She's not initiating contact which tells me that it's probably time to get your life straight before entering hers again. The problem is that it's likely that she will try to move on with her life and I think the best thing is to try to accept that. There's some ridiculous quote about 'if you love something let it go- if it comes back to you it was meant to be' or something. I think Mariah Carey said it or quoted it on her album, who cares, right? The point is that you need to take care of you first. In the spring, maybe you have your priorities straight and a new job and you're more open- THEN you contact this girl. Maybe start out as friends again and see how it all ends up. But I wouldn't keep bugging her now because can you really offer her change at this point? You're still bugging the crap out of fellow movie goers with your berry. Step away, reevaluated, change, and then start as friends again. Good Luck!

[Gabo]

Oh god, you and me both (re the bb-ing). Believe me, I hated myself for it.

 

My bosses last words as I left for Christmas: "make sure you check your blackberry."

[sodizzy]

Oh god, you and me both (re the bb-ing). Believe me, I hated myself for it.

 

My bosses last words as I left for Christmas: "make sure you check your blackberry."

 

Well I'm so sorry to hear this is hindering your life. You need a new job. And to find happiness. I hope you do!