How do I stop being so clingy?

[ziggie31]

I've become the kind of girlfriend I never wanted to be. When my bf isn't with me or talking to me, I feel so lonely. He was gone all day yesterday and like an abandoned puppy I just sat there waiting for him to come back. I was home alone all day and I think that helped to add to my feelings of loneliness. When he finally got online on AIM I was already upset so I came off as distant and cold...which led to a fight. I blamed him for not showing a little sympathy to my bad day, and he said it's not healthy for me to even be having a bad day just because he's not there. Which is true, but I wasn't in the right mindset.

 

I ended up saying I wanted to take a break for a few days. And, because I'm so weak, I caved in and called him after about half an hour of crying.

 

I really don't want this to mess up our relationship. I love him dearly and my attitude is becoming a huge obstacle between us. We've been fighting too much and I'm constantly afraid that maybe this isn't just a bump in the road, maybe we aren't meant to be. That scares me, which makes things even worse. The only defense mechanism I know is to push him away. I constantly seek his approval. Sometimes I'll voice my worst fears (eg, our relationship isn't going to last, I feel like you just want to be with me for the sex) just because I want to hear him say it isn't true, not because I actually believe it myself.

 

I don't know what to do at this point. I know we both have our own issues and are both contributing to our relationship problems, but I want to do whatever I can to fix myself. I spend too much time worrying and being unhappy and it's too much to take. I don't want to drag him down with me. I just want to make myself a better person by overcoming these problems, and I want to do whatever I can to save our relationship.

 

 

[hockeyboy]

you need hobbies/activities/friends you can do on your own with your own time and don't depend on him for your happiness.

[ziggie31]

you need hobbies/activities/friends you can do on your own with your own time and don't depend on him for your happiness.

 

Maybe that's a part of the problem. When I'm out on my own, I don't get like this, but I've been holed up inside recently because of college application essays I have to get done (yikes) and I think all the stress has been really building up.

 

I don't know how to handle it though. Right now I can't really get out and do stuff because deadlines are coming up FAST and, thanks to being a horrible procrastinator, I have a lot left to do. I've tried taking breaks to play games, draw pictures, etc. but nothing's helped. I still feel as lonely as ever.

[ghost69]

your mind is wondering from lack of interest, busyness, etc. you need more to do or more stimulation/challenge. call up those friends.

[sparkles4]

I find that when insecurities lead to fights and weirdness in a relationship, it always helps to put everything on the table and have an open, honest conversation with each other about your fears and feelings in general. Causing drama and playing games as a defense mechanism only prevents you from communicating and addressing the real issues that make you feel insecure about the relationship, and these things can easily spiral out of control and cause your relationship to deteriorate.

[elizabeth2008]

Even if you don't have the time to physically leave the house to visit with friends, you can still call a friend or loved one. Perhaps instead of taking a break to play a game, you could take a break to call someone?