Valentines Day Dilemma

[Gaz]

I can`t decide whether to send my ex girlfriend flowers on Valentines Day. We haven`t said hardly anything to each other in six months except `don`t contact me ever again`. We were together for four years and had a great relationship, she always told me she loved me right up until the end. She split up with me over some problems I had which I thought we could get over but obviously she didn`t. But we had an amazing love for each other. Should I send her something or do nothing, HELP!

 

G

[disEnchantid]

I wouldn't recommend sending her anything, what would it accomplish? you need this time to heal. She split up with you, you don't owe her anything at this point. As much as it stinks, no contact hs to mean no contact. and that means no flowers. Who knows, it might work in your favor when she misses the attention on Valentine's Day...but at this point, I wouldn't even worry about that. Don't spend any more money on her, it's not going to make you feel better, it will probably just make you feel worse when it isn't reciprocated or appreciated in the way you desire.

[Gaz]

I never looked at it from that point of view, thankyou.

[Gaz]

the no contact rule Im sure works very well but what happens if the other person assumes you no longer care about them and gives up hope?

[disEnchantid]

I think that tends to be more of a problem in the reverse situation. If you broke up with her and didn't contact her, she may be left to assume that you don't care anymore. In your case however, she broke up with you, why would she be fostering hope of reconciliation? It would have to come from her end, you were not the one who had the problem with the reletionship. she was the one who felt there was something wrong that couldn't be fixed. the ball is always going to be in the court of the person who does breaking up when it comes to reconciliation. What you need to do is worry about helping yourself. Sending her gifts isn't going to help you. Worrying that if you disappear from her life she will never try to get back together is also not going to help you. You need to approach the situation as a permanent one, and handle it as such. no one can say what will happen down the road, but I guarantee you it is in your better interest right now to avoid any contact, and especially not to initiate it. We are all here to help you through this...best of luck

[Gaz]

I have to admit that I couldn`t stick with the no contact rule very well over the last six months but reading these forums and listening to your advice I will now stick to it without fail. I just hope that by contacting her before I haven`t pushed her away too much.

Im so scared of not seeing her again that is why I question everything.

Thank you very much for your help.