Satisfied and confident, but constantly lonely.

[jujigatame]

I am very happy with every aspect of my life except the fact that I feel lonely and left out without a relationship to enjoy. I'm always active socially and usually attend a party of some sort every weekend, and I have been told by a few girls that I'm good looking and have an intriguing, unique, and exciting personality. However, I have never been on even a single date, even after making up my mind over a year ago never to go without asking out a girl that I like.

 

I really feel burned and left out by all this, because when I'm at parties I often watch as girls I know and am casual friends with (last weekend one that I had just asked out and been rejected by...) hook up with other people. I felt so lonely and alienated that night that I had to leave the party and just go home. I feel like I have so much more to offer than these other guys do, but they're the ones that get all the girls. They don't even seem to have better looks or be all that funny or outgoing, either. They just start putting their arms around these girls and then a couple hours later they're making out.

 

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that she thought I was too mature for the way romance works in high school. I don't understand why things have to be so hard for me. I can flirt just fine and I have always been able to make people laugh. I'm not afraid to do little things like touch a girl on the arm or whatever, the things that sink other guys so often. My friends all tell me that I have great presense and really grab people's attention when I'm around. But it's been a long time since a girl has actually liked me in a romantic sense.

 

I'm really feeling despair here. I don't want to stop trying and just give up, because then I'll have no chance at all. But I feel like I only feel more and more alone the more I put myself out on the line. I feel lonely, and jealous of all the people who are successful in finding relationships but can't even make them last.

 

I just hope you guys out there can identify with me and might also be able to tell me how I can improve my situation, or what might be wrong with me...

 

Also, how can I hope for things to change when I get to college? I'm greatly anticipating that. I am excited because I think people there will be more mature and open to deeper relationships.

 

Finally, what's the deal with this party hookup scene? It all seems shallow and meaningless, but everyone I know has met their S.O. at such an event. Do guys even ask girls out anymore, or is has it become a dead tradition?

 

Thanks for the input, people. I'm hoping for lots of helpful responses here.

[DaXMan]

There is NOTHING wrong with you-in fact, you seem like a guy girls WOULD want to go out with. The similarities betwen the situation you're in and the personality you seem to have are scary close to mine.

 

I am very happy with every aspect of my life except the fact that I feel lonely and left out without a relationship to enjoy. I'm always active socially and usually attend a party of some sort every weekend, and I have been told by a few girls that I'm good looking and have an intriguing, unique, and exciting personality. However, I have never been on even a single date, even after making up my mind over a year ago never to go without asking out a girl that I like.

 

Like you, I have a very strong social life and am satisfied by it. Girls say I'm good looking and have a great personality, but like you, I have yet to go on a date (and yes, I have asked a few girls out). At the end of this post, I'll show you a strategy that may suit you well (It's kinda what I'm doing too)

 

I really feel burned and left out by all this, because when I'm at parties I often watch as girls I know and am casual friends with (last weekend one that I had just asked out and been rejected by...) hook up with other people. I felt so lonely and alienated that night that I had to leave the party and just go home. I feel like I have so much more to offer than these other guys do, but they're the ones that get all the girls. They don't even seem to have better looks or be all that funny or outgoing, either. They just start putting their arms around these girls and then a couple hours later they're making out.

 

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that she thought I was too mature for the way romance works in high school. I don't understand why things have to be so hard for me. I can flirt just fine and I have always been able to make people laugh. I'm not afraid to do little things like touch a girl on the arm or whatever, the things that sink other guys so often. My friends all tell me that I have great presense and really grab people's attention when I'm around. But it's been a long time since a girl has actually liked me in a romantic sense.

 

Welcome to my life. I, like you do what SHOULD get girls to go out with us, but the girls go towards the "players" who many times feel lust and not love. They are super-aggressive and don't worry, you don't need to be. The touching on the arm and the other "little things" are my weapons too.

 

I'm really feeling despair here. I don't want to stop trying and just give up, because then I'll have no chance at all. But I feel like I only feel more and more alone the more I put myself out on the line. I feel lonely, and jealous of all the people who are successful in finding relationships but can't even make them last.

 

I just hope you guys out there can identify with me and might also be able to tell me how I can improve my situation, or what might be wrong with me...

 

Yeah, keep trying all right-with what you say you have, someone WILL want to go out with you. I also feel the slight jealousy and the lonliness you feel when I see someone getting girls easy as 1-2-3. Actually, my good friend is going out with one of the hottest girls in our school (how the hell that happened, I don't know), so you can see what I have to go through each day (I support them to, but when I see I have no gf, it hurts). And again, there is NOTHING wrong with you.

 

Here's what I am doing and you see what you think of it: Based on your personality, you have to jab away at getting her instead of going right in with the one big blow (I just watched Rocky again, so excuse my boxing words). What that means is let it rise quietly-tell your closest friends first. Let them act as your eyes and ears for when you're not around. Next, watch her actions, because 90% of the time (found it in an article), the reason you like someone is because you think they like you. Look for how she acts around you through body language, see where her eyes are when you are talking to her, etc. Then, when/if you feel comfortable, tell someone that would tell her (make sure this kid is not known around school as your buddy or one of your best pals). You may want to tell him to do it sneakily, like this "Hey, I think that kid, has a thing for you. Also make sure this kid doesn't have a big mouth (I had no clue the guy I told to do this did before I told him) this will cause it to slowly rise around school (she talks to her friends about this too), and this is one of the two possible times you should ask her out (I'll get to the other in a sec). If your like me and are not confident enough yet, what will soon happen is that the phone lines will be buzzing about you and her, if it seems like there's a chance she'll say yes. If you have other friends in the more popular crowd, these guys are good. What they do is act as walking, talking propaganda for getting her to go out with you (if they do it right). Now let it die down a little bit (pray it does, meaning don't bring it up), and right after that comes time number two. Do it here or you're on your own in terms of making it work.

 

Yes, I know this is really confusing, but the basic outline of it is there-just don't let the whoe world know or you'll be doomed. This is what has been happening to me BTW (where did you think I got this from?). If she says no, don't take it personally-she just views you as a friend. I hope this post helped a bit and you can make changes or even abandon my plan if it seems too complicated.

[DaXMan]

I forgot to add, the most important thing is to GO SLOW as well as think before you act. Don't hurry things because it never works. Good luck!!

[stevejones]

Believe me - it's the WOMEN who have something wrong with them. You're not alone in being a good looking guy with a great personality, who women avoid like the plague.

 

After all, imagine how awful it must be for a woman to have a guy she actually LIKES coming on to her! How would she cope with such an awful (sarcasm) situation? She might end up with no excuses for being miserable, and nothing to complain about! After all, she's going to keep her looks for at least fifty years, right?

 

I see what you described ALL the time - the most attractive women are almost always going out with the most physically unattractive men, who are also the most obnoxious men too.

 

Women hate themselves.

This is proved by the fact that 99% of them would rather date a violent man who beats them up, as long as they (the women) don't have to ask him out, than go up and ask out a NICE man. Pure genius.

 

It's frustrating as hell - watching women throw their lives away. And talk about ungrateful! The most attractive women have EVERYTHING a human being could want: the ability to attract 99% of the members of the opposite sex, so they SHOULD have a huge choice, but they don't, because they refuse to ask men out.

 

Isn't that strange? WOMEN are the ones who are constantly getting feedback, and attractive women are constantly getting masses of positive feedback from men, ALL THE TIME, just walking down the street, yet attractive women NEVER ask men out. So for all the positive feedback they receive all the time, they still hate themselves and think they're unattractive.

 

That's another factor: imagine how awful (sarcasm) it must be for an attractive woman who hates her looks (more ingratitude again) to be told by a nice guy that she's beautiful - "Oh - my brain just can't take it - I think I'm ugly and you're telling me I'm beautiful - I know - I couldn't possibly be in the wrong, so YOU must be - you must be a LOSER - otherwise why would you be being 'nice' to me?"

 

And so on and on goes women's moronic self destruction. Good luck to them, I say, because they sure as hell need it...

 

I've asked out many women in my lifetime - like you, if I see a woman I think is attractive, I'm not going to waste my life by not asking her out, but none of them want to know - then I see them with what they think is 'better' - a miserable tosser of a man, with a constant frown, never talking to her, never even touching her, holding her hand, or showing any affection at all. And that's supposed to be BETTER than me?

 

Huh?

 

The answer to your dilemma is simple: treat all women as if they are insane. Most of them are...

[Derek]

the party hookup scene? It all seems shallow and meaningless

 

Yes it is. You can't hear each other and everyone is dressed to impress and most everyone is under the influence of some substances, often illegal. Everyone is there to lie to each other from the start.

In those situations, you have to do something to make you different from the pack. Use your self-awareness to cut through the baloney, be an insightful observer, don't follow the pack.

 

I would say you are too self-aware (mature) for high school romance.

In college you may get more chances to meet more mature women.

Women have to get that "Bad boy" stage out of their system.

 

I would say your best bet is to live as extreme as you can, get lots of interests, do lots of different things, stuff like mountain biking, skydiving, wall climbing, taking a course on something challenging, flying a plane, sailing a boat, building something, being in a band, going on trips, being a camp counselor, working overseas, etc.

and don't act desperate about women, even if you feel it inside, you can't show it. With lots of life experiences you can become more confident accordingly and you will meet new people with more similar interests too.

 

BTW, the guy in this thread complaining and waxing long about beautiful women rejecting him is approaching them wrong. Telling a beautiful women she's beautiful is the stupidest thing you could open with.

They hear that all the time, it labels you into the same league as the 1000 other guys that can't get by that part of her exterior.

Sure many women may have self-esteem issues. A guy can help her with that by finding out the things she likes and things she does well and supporting that. If you show that you are interested in more than getting into her pants, then she might get interested in you.

 

If she rejects you based on your look alone, that says alot more about her than it does about you. Throw her to the curb.