how does a person get rid of their bad personality, so they can start dating?

[schaser]

I suppose lately, i've been doing some introspection. Does anybody feel that they are their own worst enemy? That they do stuff without realizing that always hurts themselves in the end?

 

I think I'm a person like that. And I think it applies to dating as well. Thing is, part of my introspection has led me to think how I can improve on things with women. And the fact is, I've got an awful personality. I'm thinking if only I could have realized this years ago, then life would be OK.

 

I know in that in life, a person should help themselves, and i've decided to take the bull by the horns. I know some people here might say I should be myself. But I think by "being myself" I cannot be happy. I don't compare myself to others, but I think it's time I had somebody to share my life with now. Not to get married or anything, but just somebody to be close with.

 

Sorry for the mopey attitude.

[waveseer]

I am right there with ya. I can be really overbearing and demanding in an overly generous and gracious kind of way. I don't want to be like that any more. I wouldn't want to be with anyone who was like that. lol

 

To answer your question though, in order to change I have to face the fear that makes me behave that way. In my case it is the fear of rejection. So if I can let go of that fear when I feel it and relax I can change my behavior.

[MrBurr]

I think it's one of those things where you learn from your mistakes, but you can also learn from what your current partner may tell you so that you can stop bad habits. I understand what you mean though.

[Katiebaby]

Well put yourself in situations that make you feel good, and be around people who make you happy. My ex and that crowd made me a miserable nasty person, even tho at the time I wanted to be with him, and when I started spending more time with other people it totally pulled me out of my shell and now I always feel bubbly and happy.

Happiness and a smile are the most attractive things about someone, as long as your personality is positive towards life it doesn't matter what you're like.

 

What are the traits that make you think you have a bad personality? I tend to be very blunt and forward about most things in life but stuff it, if people don't like you for you then they're not worth it.

 

I also found getting a pet mellowed me RIGHT out. I got a kitten from the homeless animal shelter.

[schaser]

I find I'm quite dull and unexciting. I usually don't have much exciting to talk about and don't usually hold lively conversations. And I think this turns people off a lot, hence my problem.

[waveseer]

I find I'm quite dull and unexciting. I usually don't have much exciting to talk about and don't usually hold lively conversations. And I think this turns people off a lot, hence my problem.

 

So why do you think your interest aren't exiciting enough in your own estimation?

[Katiebaby]

Watch people talk. when you're on the bus or at school/work or at the shopping center etc etc. Listen and learn. Make small talk with people, ask them questions. I work in customer service and often have to strike up a converstion with people. Talk about them to start with to get the ball rolling and go from there.

 

As far as dull and exciting, what about taking up a sport or a hobby (basketball, footy, rock climbing, bowling, etc etc) That way there will be people (and girls) that will have a common interest as you already. Say you started tenpin bowling and joined a league, you could start conversations "Geez I hate it when I get a split... have you ever pulled one off? Wow really how do you do it?" etc etc... Just an example.

 

The key to conversation is be friendly, and have something to talk about. (Common intrest.) I met a heap of people (and of the opposite sex) when I started going to AFL games. I go for the St Kilda Saints, so I sit with other saints fans, and they're all happy and excited to be there, and you all have that common intrest - there's another way to gain those people skills without lifting a finger!

[schaser]

thanks a lot! I appreciate this.

[schaser]

So why do you think your interest aren't exiciting enough in your own estimation?

 

A lot of the time, I know I'm boring others since I have little of anything exciting to chat about. I often admire my step-father for being able to talk about funny things that have happened in his life and listen to lots of funny anecdotes he has. I know it's not right to compare oneself to others, but I feel if I could be a bit more engaging then it would help me a lot.

[Katiebaby]

You're welcome. After I started going to the footy (which most ppl follow) and following the sport when you're talking to someone and the conversation fizzles out you can bring up stuff like common sport. "Nice weather we having... mmm... Hey did you catch the Saints vs Cats game - what a pearler, yeah I know the umpiring was crappy but the calls were consistant... Roo's getting better at his mark of the ball don't you think... etc etc" always works for me.

 

I always have a new story to tell as well, weather it be about going to the footy, or horseriding (I teach and train - LOTS of funny stories) and even general stuff like going to the pub with mates, cars etc etc.

 

I think if you have more fun in your life then it will radiate. I'm not the most overly confident person, but I know how to have a good ol chat, tell a joke or story etc, and it was all from filling my life with interesting things. Started riding (which I love and met ppl thru that) started seeing more of my friends and going out for dinner, drinks etc etc, and of course the Football. I'm not a big sports nut6 but the atmosphere was just so electric it sucked me in, and now I can't get enough. You've got nothing to loose with trying new things.

[schaser]

I've been thinking of taking up some new interests as a means of meeting people. I really like rock music and there are some rock clubs in my area, but I don't know anybody else who likes rock and it would be awkward to go alone. There is also hiking, which is something I'm looking into as well.

 

thanks again, you've been a great help.