How to handle contact after "no contact"

[rich_1517]

Week two of the "i need time alone" she said that it isnt working and needs time away, two months (dont ask where the date came from). I was uncommital when she asked me to move in. She also has some intimicy issues that i pushed on. she also wanted me to quit smoking. I didnt move in i didnt quit smoking.

 

Within a few days of that i realised i had been stubborn wanting her to change as my reasons for not moving in (twice - we are three years together). I copped to being uncommital and using the reasons as excuses to maintain my own distance. She was glad to hear it but.. no effect she still wants two months. My take is she is done but im not sure, she sends mixed signals.

 

Ok

the quandry now. I have obeyed the no contact rule except where she has contacted me. or we ran into each other. i have kept it light, dont mention anything about relationship. etc.

 

I did ask if i could drop her stuff off to her, after she changed from "ill arrange to pick it up" to "we can worry about that later" meaning the two months. She said it would be hard to find a place for it so i said ok, dont worry there will be time, my reasoning was that i dont want to meet over artificial reasons, if you want to see i want it to be becuase you want to see me. Was this ok?

 

During that conversation she said that seeing me made her so sad she was crying after, and she missed me (we ran into each other at starbucks, I stayed outside with friend while she met with another, then said had to go in a nice way). that she wanted to come talk to me like always.

 

How do i handle next contacts? She will call or contact for some reasons. I am scared that she is done and just not saying it. So the contacts make me nervous as i miss her deeply and am angry too.

 

I will look at the rules again, but obviously my confidence is low and my head is a basket case. Thoughts?

[neallo82288]

Sounds to me like you are handling the contacts the right way. The artificial reasons, as you put it, are her way of making contact without looking like an idiot. Keep all contact short and sweet. She sounds to me like she is really confused. as to where she wants this relationship to go. Just give it time and move on with your life.

 

Also, you do not seem to be healed enough for these contacts. You have to have the attitude that you have moved on and show it. You cannot keep wondering if she is or is not coming back to you that is detrimental to the no contact thing. You have to be in a better mental state. If you want her back, than by all means let her contact you, but if these contacts are bothering you then you should just let her know that her contacting you is still painful and that you just need to heal, before you can be her friend. This is hard and I know it, but you must let the pain go away so you don't come off as a needy, whinny, begging wimp.

 

Hope this helped a little,

Neallo