I can't focus, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

[paintedfish]

After he said he didnt want to talk to me 2 weeks ago, I've been going out of my mind. Im tired all the time, my joints hurt, but the worst part is I cant focus on anything. Im currently taking pretty involved classes at college, and I have a test tomorrow and then another on Tuesday, and then ANOTHER on Friday. All big ones too. And I have a probation meeting tomorrow at 8 am, which I have to run from to get to my test on time. I still need to find a job, and I feel like everythings piling up on me, and I can't stay afloat. But all I can think about is either him, or dropping my classes mid semester and moving back home again so I dont have to be down the street from where he lives, or just giving up completely and letting everything fall down the drain. I'm so tired all the time, and I'm so lost and vacant without him in my life.

 

 

I need some advice I guess... how to keep things moving along, or maybe if it WOULD be best to go back home. Im pretty directionless in college right now, and my heart just hasnt been in it from the start. And this is my 3rd year.

[missa_bd]

be strong and dont give up! try to focus on studies ( believe me, i know how hard it is.. im in the same boat) later you'll be so proud of yourself

[paintedfish]

I feel like I literally can't focus though. My brain fuzzes out and I realize Ive been starting at my book for 5 minutes. How do you stop doing that?

[SeattleSun]

Being in a situation where I feel helpless, I can relate (see my thread right below yours). Having the advantage of not being in the situation, funny that always seems to shine the light of clarity, I can say that:

1) To some degree, you have chosen to not focus. When you say "I can't focus", then you can't focus. Just by saying that, you reinforce that fact that you can't. Start saying "I have focus", "I am strong", "I have the power of choice and make the right decisions". Sounds silly perhaps, but it works.

 

(do yourself a favor and go buy "The Secret" on DVD).

 

2) The answer is within you. Hmmm, I guess that applies to me too. But seriously, it is.

[jasper01]

Some things you can do.

 

Remember he's going through something very intense right now. Sometimes people need to be on their own when that happens. No matter what anyone says, nothing is ever set in granite. Life and time change things. If he wants space leave him be until you hear from him, in all ways and forms. If he knows already you are there for him, then enough said.

 

It's going to be hard on you. Accept this for the time being. Allow the feelings to come up, and let yourself be unfocused. It is an emotional emergency in your life and, maybe you need a temporary vacation from what you are doing.

 

Finally, try to understand that the attachments we make with people are real, but they are ultimately not responsible for our experience of love, happiness, and joy. Those come from within, when we are able to be unattached - even in our attachments if that makes any sense

 

But to have that, we have to experience loss as well. The two go together. Let it happen.

[paintedfish]

You're right, I do need to remember that his grief is probably stronger than mine now, and I have been respecting his rights, and I have not contacted him.

 

I already paid for school, but my grades are precarious as they are, and I was doing really well this semester until this happened, and now my hearts not in it anymore. If this had been next week Id be more or less ok but with all these important tests coming up Im not sure how I can do it. Im too tired to give myself pep talks, and I know it sounds like Im taking the weak way out of it, and I am... I know I am.

 

I dont want my grades to drop because Id be SOL then... I just have no idea. I feel like if I had a month or 2, I could get back on my feet. But I dont have that. And I guess that's how life goes, right?

 

Thank you, Jasper, and everyone else. You gave me stuff to think about, and work on.

[denise_14]

This is the ultimate test of character. It's hard, but believe me, it's possible to stay focused with your studies despite the heartaches. I was doing my thesis and struggling with my major subjects when my partner left me. I was a graduating student then, and that semester was really critical, you could just imagine! I really didn't know how in the world will I be able to concentrate. I just though that I must do this for myself because for now this is the only thing I've got left for self-gratification. I already screwed up on my relationship, I will not allow myself to screw up on on my studies too. I guess this kind of mindset kinda worked for me. I made it through the storm! Oftentimes, in the middle of typing my thesis, I found myself staring at a blank page for almost thirty minutes. Tears came falling down. When this happens, just take a break. Don't force yourself to study if you're hurting at the moment. When this happens to me, I stop, cry it out, eat comfort food, then when I feel a little better I return to the pc and get back to work or study. You can do it!

[jpearl]

I would recommend making an appointment with a counselor on campus, they should be free with your tuition. I did that my third year when I kind of had a mental breakdown. They can help you by either recommending something like ritalin to help you focus, or they can help you with the process of withdrawing from classes. I also think it will help you tremendously with what you are going through. Stay strong and do what is best for you. You can always go back to school next semester, but you can't ever take back the bad grades affect on your GPA.