Is it normal to still think of him so often?

[littlestar]

I had a 5 week romantic affair with someone who turned out to be the complete opposite of who they said they were.

 

He has done many bad things to be - including verbal abuse and also physical abuse (not towards me but towards my property)

 

I decided to end things almost 2 weeks ago. We have been no contact.

 

I am trying to work things out with my long term partner.

 

We went away for a few days to get away from everything and just have some quiet "us" time.

 

For most of the time all i could think about was the other man, lots of things reminded me of him. We were in a place where there was no phone reception, and all i could think about was coming home to check if he had broken no contact.

 

I find that i cant be intimate with my partner. I feel "dirty"

 

This other man i had an affair with me is no good for me, he is violent, uses drugs and drinks waaay to often.

I dont want him back but why is he on my mind??

Why am i struggling so much with no contact?

[atelis]

sounds like it may be lust? there is obviously an intense feeling of lust there that is hard to shake and despite the fact he is no good for you, the thought of him excites you. that's the nature of affairs.....they are an exciting distraction.

 

just remind yourself of your longer term goal which is reconciliation with the person you love.......assuming you love him

 

i think of my ex every day, so it is normal..........or perhaps you and i are not the normal one's lol

[isilv3r]

It's because he's unattainable. We always desire for the ones that we can't have or shouldn't. You wish you could change him or he be different because you enjoyed being with him. You're dissappointed in the way things turned out. When we become disappointment, our minds and hearts give us this false hope that it can change when it really can't. Think about what's best for your future and move from there...do u really want a life of drugs and alcohol? ...Or a possible long term future? Just remember that it's not your fault the way that he is and you'll have a better life without it.

[littlestar]

atelis - i am far from normal LOL

 

isilv3r - i think you maybe right there, i know i can have him if i wanted him, i dont want to sound like i have a big ego or anything, but i know he loves me so much if i wanted him back he would come running in a heart beat. But its someone i shouldn't have or be associated with.

 

I know i was the one who ended things, and it was really hard with him crying and begging for me, it really pulled at my heart strings but i had to be strong and walk away and i am really surprised he has kept up so well with no contact. i think thats what hurts the most, he can successfully live without me and not be in contact with me, i often think of does he think of me the same way and as often as i think of him.

[atelis]

i'm from oz as well......maybe it's an aussie thing!

[littlestar]

i'm from oz as well......maybe it's an aussie thing!

 

Ahhh so nice to "Speak" to someone from Oz. Maybe it is an aussie thing!

What part of Oz u from? I am in the South.

[atelis]

sydney. heartbreak knows no nationality or borders!!

[littlestar]

I was born there and my Mum currently lives there.

 

Heartbreak sucks, especially when you know they're not worth crying over.

[littlestar]

I thought i would just be able to forget him completely, especially after all the things he did to me