Mixed Signals

[spatzcolumbo]

Ok, some of you might have read my initial problem link removed a few weeks ago. I am currently no better off. My ex has now gone back to uni 6 hours away, and i am really confused about what i can do. before she left, we met up a few times just for casual dates - but more to leave things on good terms before she left for uni. however, during these meetings, we had an amazing time, and she was giving me really mixed signals. On her way back to uni she messaged me, and was again sending mixed signals. Since she has been back at uni, she hasn't messaged me unless i have messaged her first. She said she is trying to keep herself busy, etc. I sent her a message the other day saying "i know you want to be single, so have fun at uni but don't forget about me, and know i'd still be here for you". She didn't reply to it, which could be a good thing or could be a bad thing - previous times i have said that she has just got mad.

 

I am trying to keep the 'no contact' at all thing going at the moment, but am finding it really hard. the reason for this is that i know how we had a great time last time we met up, and i know she felt it too. She has told me she has never stopped loving me. The problem i have with the no contact rule is that i have no chance of bumpin into her or anything. I can not even show her i am still the same fun, confident guy she fell for. however, while she is at uni, all the other guys that hit on her CAN show them how fun and confident they are. There is nothing i am doing that will actively keep me in her mind. She is not back for another 2 months, so in theory i won't see her until then. i know she is a huge commitment phobe - she has always got to about 14 months in relationships and then got scared.

 

So i don't know whether to call her, or wait to see if she calls me (when she left she got upset when i said i probably wouldn't call, and she said she would still call me). i am just thinking about the fact that since she has been back at uni she hasn't contacted me at all. I know she still loves me, and had told me how i am her perfect guy and she wouldn't want to lose me for anything. She told me these things even up to a few weeks before we split. I know she can't have stopped having these feelings so suddenly. However i also know that at uni there are so many other things to do taht take your mind off things like this. And i don't want her to forget about this like it doesn't matter, because i am sure that we both know how good things should be, and that there is no real logical reason for us to have split like this. And i know it is just because she is scared about how serious it had become - we had talked about it being long term. but going out with her made me realise (and i think her too) how good things could still be, and how we could chill out a bit.

 

Any help / advice would be great.

 

ps - just to update my post, my ex just text messaged me to ask if i am ok after the weekend, and that she didn't reply to me because she didn't know what to say!?!

[luckystar]

you will hurt you chances by contacting her........she needs time to figure her head out.....right now she is in a confused/fuzzy state of mind.....and by contacting her, that makes it more hectic for her.......the time and no contact rule can help her sort things out.....you dont need to bump into her.....the fact that you are not contacting her alone will give a perceived image to her that you have changed, and when she does contact you, then show her the new you that you have been working on!....I believe then, and only then you may have a shot.....but you have to play it cool......impatience is your enemy

[spatzcolumbo]

well after my message at the weekend with no reply, she has since messaged me...i'm trying my best to not reply to see if she starts wondering why i have not replied!! Hope it works!!

[Michael2]

Lucky, you offer some great insights into the world of breakups.

 

I have recently come to the conclusion that my ex and I are done for good, and as a result it is time to move on.

 

My question is, how can a relationship ever be rekindled if the other party is already seeing someone else? Doesn't that create animosity on one end.

[luckystar]

michael2.....the fact of the matter is...that i have actually looked for "your" posts in the last few weeks to help "me".......the insights i have mentioned have been found through reading a few books i have purchased and the advice of a really good friend.......i in am no way in a "healed" state for my own situation.....i still have trouble getting through some days....but each day is gettting easier and i am finding ways to get my mind off of things.....as far as your situation.....i am unsure......i dont even know if my ex has or has not dated or is seeing someone.......i am sorry i cant help more....

[Michael2]

Thanks for the reply. It is unfortunate that we are both in similar situations. I to, also experience bad and good days. My weekends are especially difficult. During the week I am able to immerse myself in work and study, but I dread the weekends, mainly because that was when I spent time with my past S.O. One thing that I can't get over is the fact that I am hurting, and that she isn't. She was able to move on with her life and meet another, thereforeeee my void has been filled by this other. I'm become very frustrated with myself that I can't move on and come to the realization that things are over between us. Time is all I have.