No contact rule really works!!!

[cobro]

My gf broke up with me about 3 months ago and I didn't take it too good. I then found out she had a sexual fling with one of her guy friends, and then got a new bf, all in less than 2 months after we ended. That part hurt the most. A little background, I became very possesive towards the end of the relationship because of some previous trust issues with her, like her talking to her ex every few days and breaking up with me 2 times before, which in turn made her think I was insecure and she used that as a reason to break up with me. For most of the time we've been broken up I've been battling back and forth over whose fault it was, and I've come to the realization its nobody's fault, we were just incompatible as a couple. Over 1 month ago I implemented the no contact rule so I could heal completely, I couldn't handle talking to her or mutual friends for that matter. I literally dropped off the face of the earth for over a month. In that time, I have become more focused on what I want out of life, set goals for myself and my career and education, going to the gym, and just plain trying to be happy on my own again. Also during that time I've seen what my ex is like and can honestly say that I don't want her back, she made my life one big roller coaster of emotions because I let her moods control me. I failed classes, gained weight, lost self esteem, limited other friendships when I was with her. She on the other hand was very manipulative and immature with little morals. So we just don't mix well. That was the main reason for the no contact rule, I figured if she broke up with me then I won't bother her, plus she has a new bf! I was also very angry and hurt after finding that I could be replaced so easily! I went through the holidays, no phone calls, which made me think she didn't care about me or that I would never talk to her again. Well over a week ago I got a voicemail from her and I didn't call her back, I just couldn't make myself jump at her every command after she walked all over me when we dated. Well this must have really bothered her, because at midnight on this Saturday night she calls me. I was over at a friends house just chilling and having fun and my phone rang, so I went ahead and answered and she sounded like she was sad or something. She said she had been thinking about me alot lately. So we had small talk and caught up on old times, I didn't bring up anything about the past. She made a few comments that caught me off guard, like she got her nails done this week and it made her think about me, because she said she never got her nails done when she was with me, and I just laughed. When I was telling her about my life, I told her I've been working out every day and she was like "reaaallly?" Kind of like it brought something back, hmm. I told her about my plans for career and education that I have already started. Basically I am a different person now, but I didn't say that. Other than that, we just had small talk and nothing more, just two old friends catching up. She then told me I could call her anytime, so I told her I haven't been because I heard she has a bf. She admitted that she does, but he is not psycho possesive, and I said jokingly "like me?" and we laughed and she said "don't say that." He doesn't care who she talks to. Whatever, I'm not calling her. We got off the phone on great terms and it felt like closure to me, knowing that I have moved on and don't want her back and can talk to her every once in a while if its meant to be, but I won't be chasing her. I felt no feelings towards her! That was the best feeling, I don't care if she got off the phone and immediately started having sex with her new bf, I don't care anymore! But I still want to analyze the call. Midnight on satuday night, what's up with that, she must be lonely or got in a fight with her new bf. If she is really happy with him, why feel the need to call me. Maybe she's not connecting with him at a level that I can connect at. Why the sudden interest in my life, if I remember corrrectly she broke up with me. And the nails comment, that was kind of strange. Well, either way I don't want her back but it would be nice to know she's missing me, awww... So this post just proves that no contact does work, after a while they will start to wonder about you! And that's a good thing, even if you don't want them back because you know at one point in time you meant something to them and still have an impact on their lives. If you do want them back, here's your chance to prove you've changed 100% for the better and confidence and independence prove that you are #1 in your life right now, not some sleazy ex gf, lol. Hope this post helps, if you have any comments on my situation please post. Thanks.

[uongy]

yes im glad that you have reached that point of healing.its good to hear all the improvements you have made.you are a prefct example of how to get over a relationship!

 

i also went through a painful breakup with someone but under different circumstances as neither her nor i wanted a breakup.however,she broke up wth me as she couldnt handle the distance between us as it was a long-distance relationship.

 

i loved her deeply and lossing her broke me.i was in bits.however,since that happened in sept,i have improved and as a result i can handle everything that life throws at me with ease!ive made some great new friends and enjoying some wel earned alcohol! 8)

 

what i would say is the non-contact rule always helps.it wil ease the pain.and it wil heal the wounds.

but i would say to you dont just brush her away like she is to be hated.the experience,no matter how painful wil eventually help you and you wil gain.

 

but good work.you are an example to all others.i wish that advice be offered to all!uongy.

[mr_ripley]

Excellent post! I'm very encouraged by it.

 

I've used the "no contact rule" myself and it works wonders. I've had two ex-girlfriends come back to me using this method. Of course, by the time they came back I wasn't at all sure if I really wanted them back, but thats another story.

[disEnchantid]

hi cobro-

congratulations! I am so happy that you have made peace with the break up and have found happiness in your independance! You are truly a ray of hope for me. I am still battling inside over what I would do if my ex ever called me, one part of me says I would tell him what a rotten guy I think he is for making me feel so bad and the other part says I would probably melt and fall into that same old cycle of self-blame where I take responsiblity for all the issues we had. I am hoping that one day I will get to the point you are at, where I don't really care if he never calls again, and if he does, cool, but no emotional rollercoaster there. Thanks for sharing your story and please keep us updated!!

 

-dE