always me

[liltasha]

I've been going out with a guy for a few months - before that we were good friends. We'd liked each other for sometime but were both too shy to do anything about it but finally he asked me out and I accepted. I enjoy spending more time with him and being with him but I am getting fed up.

 

Since he intially asked me out (which I know took a lot of courage - he's not very confident about himself) its always had to be me who's suggested we go out. He always says yes but its got to the point where although he always says he's had a good time I start to feel because he never asks me its like I'm dragging him out! I'm not the most confident person either and I guess if he did suggest something it would reassure me.

 

I think its just because he's afraid that I'd say no or something, but I'm totally fed up and thinking about just not saying anything and waiting to see if he will actually make a move for once. Although if I do that I think there's a decent chance he won't and that'll be that.

[neallo82288]

One of the main keys to a great relationship is communication. Tell him how you feel about things and see what he says. It may be that he doesn't kknow where to take you or what to do. Talk to him about your llikes and dislikes and his likes and dislikes. Tell him how you feel about him as a whole. You both need reassurances and that is hard because somebody needs to be strong. You both should be more confident because you have each other. Talk to him aand see where he is coming from. Find out why he does not ask you out. Could be that he wants to do whatever makes you happy.

[take_the_reins]

hey..

i argree... just sit him down and talk to him .. tell him that you feel like he's losing interest in you .. thne if he really likes you and wants to be in this relationship .. he will make more of an effort

Hope this is some help

good luck

Mrsmalakian x

[QTpie87]

okay so wait are you two going out or not. i don't understand what is going on, do you have to ask him to go places or what? well i wanna help but you have to be more clear.

[vfunkera]

hey liltasha,

 

Ok where do i start here. I have got sooo much to say about this because i have been exactly where you are and have seen the consequences of my actions in trying to resolve it.

 

God i so know what you mean! First and foremost the important of all is that this guy is like that and thats the way it is. He is not confident and quite shy, and you cannot change that, but accept it. Do not think that they are not enjoying their time with you or they don't care ot anything, because otherwise they will simply say they can't meet you whenever, he even stated it himself. Take them for who they are, that is the answer. In time they will start to feel more comfertable and at least make contributions, but for now, don't complain about it- mention it (communication!), maybe even joke (something like "don't worry i won't bite!")- but don't complain like i did (this will only put them under more pressure).

 

One of my exes was like this, she would never suggest anything and it always came down to me to pick a date or scene. It kind of got on my nerves that she was so dependant- she could at least suggest something to reassure me! I complained alot about it and why its taking her so long to get used to me, and it was eventually one of the reasons she split .

 

Girl, from experience, i will tell you to take charge of this situation. Don't worry about it, just take the initiative and lead in this relationship, and he will simply follow and enjoy the ride.

 

The sooner they start to feel comfertable around you and the relationship you should start to see some improvement in their contributions. Just let it happen with time and they will get used to it. A really great way to do this is to make him talk about himself. Switch the subject on him and let him just feel open to you. In time he will open up. The more you reassure him, the more confident he will become as well.

 

Good luck, thats all from experience (i paid the price for taking it the wrong way!)

[liltasha]

thanks for the responses.

 

Yeah, I know the answer is to just talk about it - but thats another of our 'problems' - we're both too shy and whenever there is a problem we don't really talk.

 

Once we're together then its fine - he's not shy and we have a good time. Its just the initial bit - we are supposed to be dating, going out or whatever today's phrase is but I get the feeling that if I don't arrange something then we wouldn't get together. I think that he was so nervous about asking me in the first place, that once he did that was it - he'd done what he had to do.

 

I don't want to end things as I think he is special, but this and our general communication problems do make me think that its not worth it and it'll never get better.