Does my ex hate me?

[jgryl05]

I posted a topic a a few months ago about how my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was a lie becuase I lied to him about who I was. Well the last time we talked I apoligized him about everything and he said it was ok and that it wasn't my fault. I know when someone is on his bad side he can treat them like crap and he told me that he would not treat me that way and that we can still be friends and talk. After that the only times that we talked was online and he seemed like he could care less about me and sometimes it would be his new girlfriend on his screename when I would try to talk to him. I have boyfriend myself, but I don't know why I care about talking to my ex and hoping that he and I can still be friends. I ask him little questions just to make conversation hoping that he will respond back but usually he'll just log off without answering or say bye. Should I just leave him alone and in the past or keep trying to talk to him because I still regret everyday for hurting him?

[neallo82288]

Should I just leave him alone and in the past or keep trying to talk to him because I still regret everyday for hurting him?

 

Yes, he has given you every indication that he wants to be left alone. You may only want to be friends, but even in friendship people need to trust one another. He has no trust in you and regaining trust is a hard thing to do. So, leave him alone and see what the future brings. You are probably alot like me in that you do not like people hating you, but you have lied to him and he needs to get over this. Leave him alone and leave it at that if he wants to be friends in the future then you will have your chance to make amends. YOu have appologized and came clean, which is all you can do. Now you must heal from hurting somebody and that is tough.

 

As for your present relationship, you have done things in the past that is haunting you and this will affect your relationship. You will need to deal this issue. I am not saying that you need to break up, but you will need to tell you present boyfriend about your past and make sure he understands that this is something you must deal with and he should understand and be supportive.

 

Hope you have learned to be yourself and will not make this mistake again. I hope you have been truthful to your present boyfriend.

 

Good Luck

[Gilgamesh]

You should let it go, you already said you were sorry, by bringing it up over and over, you keep reminding him of it, he probably wasnt even worried much about what happened and didnt think it was a big thing, but if you make it one, then in his eyes it will be.

 

So if he doesnt talk about it, dont you do it. as far as your relationship is going, he has his girl and you have your guy, the rest is just a friendly "hello" hows the weather. if he is true to his current relationship, he may see it unfair or incorrect to have anything more than idle chit chat.

[jgryl05]

I understand where you guys are coming from but I want to leave it all behing but he was a major part of my life and it is hard to just erase him out of my mind. I know that we can never or will be together because I'm not the type of girl he wants though I wish I could be. I really confused because I know I should forget about him but it's really hard not to think about him and good/bad times we had. So should I stop trying to talk to him? I was thinking of telling how I feel and if he thinks that I should leave him alone, would that be ok?

[sueblue]

Dear jgry105,

 

If you want to talk with him for closure well I think it's ok. But be warned!

Sometimes things are better left unsaid.You are the only one that can forgive yourself aren't you? Sure it's nice to have someone tell you no problem then why does it still hurt? GUILT is the reason! We can't take back things we can't change what happened we can only move forward.Having a peace within yourself helps maintain the daily grind.Forgiving yourself is the key, sure it helps if the other person will say all of the things we want in order to put things in perspective but it rarely happens.We need to rely on ourselves, something we sorta give up in a relationship.You have that power! You might have misplaced it but it's there! Moving on will empower you and help you through this difficult time.

I don't know if you ever tried meditating but it works! There are lots of tapes and books out there that help you slowly let go of things that hold you back in matters of the heart. You sound like a person with a good head on there shoulders. Someone told me that you can't occupy two thoughts at the same time there are only so many minutes in the day so why do we spend this time thinking about things we did instead of things we can do now? You are the better person here you have come to relize you made mistakes we all do right? Then forgive yourself, enjoy your new love take what you learned and make it better.

[Gilgamesh]

By showing him your hurt and still "wanting" him, you will actually push him away, i know that sounds hard to believe, but its true. he already knows how ya feel.

 

you see, if he thinks your un happy and sad, then he will feel bad and guilty, and that will only make him want to avoide you.

 

some people push so much and make the other feel so guilty, that they end up finding reasons to hate you, so they can have justification.

 

best to let him go, the less contact you make, the easier and faster it will be to get him out of your mind.

[mhonkieys]

i've personally been on the other end of the stick, an ex girlfriend of mine completely hurt me, abused my trust etc. to this day she still trys to be "friends" with me, i've resorted to begging her to leave me be by now, for some people, putting your trust into someone is much harder then normal, and when that trust is broken, its Extremly hard to fix. your best recourse imo, is to let him have his space, chances are by talking to him, you're only going to continually remind him of what happened, let time sort things, as it does so well with everything.