Why would a man prefer to masterbate when...

[beev]

his wife is in the next room and willing?

 

Also, I have been married 7 years but am pretty naive, so humor me.

 

What does a man think of while masterbating?

 

What is it that makes him want to?

 

Does he usually look at something while masterbating?

 

Help! I'm jealous of his hand!

[crookster_man]

Jealous of a hand? Well there's no need for that, let me explain. You see for humans there are 2 reasons for sexual activity, physical pleasure and emotional connection.

 

When a man masturbates it is purely physical. There isn't any emotional commitment to yourself. What a man does during masturbation differs from each person. Some people think of people they know, others of people they've never met. Some people look at picture or movies. Some people look or touch objects that they find sexually arousing. It all really depends.

 

You shouldn't fear masturbation, as long as it doesn't consume someone's life, and you aren't neglected. You shouldn't worry about a person taking care of their specific personal needs occasionally.

 

The emotional commitment he has when with you is nothing like the feeling he has with himself. The 2 are completely different. There is little point in comparing them. Do you masturbate at all? Perhaps you should learn to explore yourself, not only will you learn to pleasure yourself better, but it will help improve your sex life with your husband. Since you can show him things that really get you off.

[Ash]

Yep, crookster is pretty much right on in what happens when a man masturbates. It's an interesting point really, he's right for the most part about the emotional part. Doesn't matter what kind of a day we've had, whether we're annoyed to the world or ourselves, we can go ahead and do it if we feel the need to.

 

It's not the same when having sex with a partner for the most part. I like to feel emotionally involved whenever I have sex. If I don't feel the emotions, I feel very guilty. There have been days when I just didn't have the emotional fortitude to make love, but still had the urges, so those were self-love days. Whether he feels this way or not is impossible to tell from your post.

 

Another factor is guilt. I often feel I'm indulging myself when I do this. So, I tend to feel guilty that I'm having such fun, and ignoring the rest of the world. You can attack this one straight on if you want be talking to him about it.

 

The first question I have, is does he know that you are aware of this? Have you asked him if you can watch, for example? Or even one step further, depending on what you do when you're together, have you asked him if he'll show you how to do it in exactly the same way as him? I would suspect that sometimes, he'll feel a bit selfish, and wouldn't mind having you do it for him, but he may not be interested in reciprocating. This comes back to the emotional issue I talked about. If you're willing to except that us guys can be horribly self centered by times, then by all means offer to be his right hand woman, so to speak.

[FunGuy]

Sometimes a man just needs a quick fix. I understand you might be willing and ready, but maybe you don't want to do what he wants at that moment. It could just be a thought in his head and he just wants to explode at that moment.

 

Instead of getting jealous go over and help. Or watch. He might enjoy that and get you involved.

[beev]

The thing is...he knows I feel deprived of sex in our relationship and he doesn't want me around when he is masturbating. He says...I'm just sooo tired and I have offered to do it for him or even more without reciprocation and I get nothing...no requests no sex nothing!!

 

This makes me feel so undesireable. I haven't gained that much weight. We have a new baby and I am only 5 lbs more than I was before I got pregnant...the baby is 13 weeks and we have had sex 1 time since the baby was born.

[FunGuy]

Maybe there is something more there, most men if you offer you'll be busy for a while