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no contact rule in relation to tieing up loose ends


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alrite...i've been talking about my breakup in the other posts now so i'll keep things short and simple this time...

my bf broke up with me after four years of being together...and now i don't know if i'm going back with him or not or wutever but i've decided to stick to the no contact rule and just let things run its course...no matter how agnoizing and painful it is...

Alright. so we've been broken up for a grand total of 27 days.. and i've only kept to my no contact rule for 5 days before i gave in a phoned him today for like some non-personal questions. Before then, it was just some on/off conversation...

so i made the mistake to use the excuse that he still has some stuff left at my house that i think he should pick up and phoned him...only to have him be like "WA?? i can't hear you!!" (he's in a noisey car somewhere) great.. now i feel like a total dork who can't stop calling him or something....

I still need to tie up some loose ends..like his stuff that he needs to take.... i NEED him to take that back or else i'm always goign to have an excuse to call him and see him. And he still has a phone bill under my name and he's leasing a car under my name.. i've agreed to do him a favour to lease the car for him a while longer until he deals with everything else...

so i've sorta discussed with him the matter regarding the car and stuff...but i keep on thinking we still need to meet up and talk about stuff..(how to pay for phone bill, checking his phone bill or wutever) ... i konw i konw.. this is all sad excuses just to see him or talk to him.... what do i do???

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If you are willing, I'd give it some time. If you trust him, then let the lease and the phone stay in your name for awhile. Wait until you are back on solid emotional footing. Wait until you don't feel like you "need to talk with him." I did the same thing with my ex. Tried to initiate contact because I had her stuff, she had my stuff, etc. Really it was just a painful experience that ended up hurting both of us. Looking back, I wish I would have waited until later, like now, to exchage all the stuff. I knew that she wasn't going anywhere, so whats the rush?

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

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um.. alrite so maybe i didn't give it the time i shoulda and called him...

i was kinda pissed off too coz he was kinda rude... i phoned him and it was noisey so he couldn't hear me and i told him to phone me later. .and he didn't.. so.. i was really mad and i phoned him the next day and um. kinda told him off... i told him how i didn't appreciate the fact that i phoned him to tell him something about the car out of the kindness of my heart to have him not return my call when he didn't have any idea wut i was talking about in the first place...now i feel really guilty for being a *itch at him...( i said that i was doing a favour to lease the car for him and i don't appreciate how he doesn't return my car and i have half the mind to rip the freaking lease up and F***ing chuck it out the window.. .those were my exact words......)

i mean i was wrong to be mad coz i was prolly mad at the fact that he kept his end of the no contact rule and seriously didn't phone me at all.. but then i was honestly really upset how rude he was to not phone a person back when you couldn't hear wut they were saying in the first place...(he said that he couldn't hear me tell him to call him again later.. but any person in the right mind would have the decency to call again to ask what the caller wanted right???)

 

alrite so now i feel guilty...should i break my no contact and apologize or would that just make me seem like the clingly fool that i really am inside?

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If you absolutely MUST contact him, I'd keep it to the most calm/formal possible for now, and use email if that's possible. You won't be looking for tone of voice, facial expressions, background sounds, etc from an email - and it should give you the space and detachment to spell out what you need to without the tension of worrying about where a conversation might head to. Something like:

 

"Dear Bill,

 

Sorry to have to contact you, but I needed to forward some information to you about the car. (Insert information about the car).

 

And when you have the chance, please see about getting the necessary paperwork from the phone company to transfer the bill into your name, or at least find out what will be involved with that.

 

Please let me know your concerns and what you'd like to do about these things as soon as you can so we can avoid any problems and confusion!

 

Thanks, appreciate it!

 

Donna"

 

You can't be tempted so easily into saying things you'd REALLY wish you hadn't later, and it's at a bit more of an emotional distance than talking directly. Just don't be tempted to carry on more corresponding than you really HAVE to - so sit down and think about if it's something you can sit on for a while - or something you really need an answer to, or need to get info to him right then.

 

Best of luck to you!

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